Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.twenty-six.

I try to ignore the different atmosphere as the students file into the studio and set down their things. I try to ignore the quick, stolen looks, people thinking they're being sneaky, but the actions happening way too frequently and being executed by way too many people for me to not notice. I try to ignore the way everyone greets me and walks up to me, almost as if we were strangers and I was someone unapproachable. 

While people are usually very loud and chatty during warm-up, conversations are hushed, meant only for ears the whispers are directed at. For me, it feels like I'm in a living hell to see my own students I had grown so close with act so subtly different. Every second that ticks by feels like an eternity, and for the first time since I've started my career as a dance instructor, I find myself continuously checking the time, begging for the class to finish. 

"Thank you, goodbye, I'll see you next time," I breathe out, beyond relieved to finally have finished the last class of the day. Though students usually linger after the class and take their time packing things up, today, they leave in a hurry, obviously feeling the awkward tension in the room as well. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when the final student leaves the room. But right as I start to relax, the door opens again and I perk up. This was getting so exhausting. 

"Autumn." 

I let out another breath. "Jay." 

"You've been avoiding me," he says with a pout. 

Normally, I would reply with a snarky comment, but I'm still so exhausted with everything that has happened yesterday. "I'm sorry, although I'm sure you understand why." 

He nods. "Do you want to go out? Relax, maybe grab a drink. You look like you need one." 

I nod immediately. "I've never heard of anything so delightful. Let's go." 

Jay drives us to the small restaurant he brought Hoseok and me to when we met up again in Korea a few weeks ago. A few weeks? Had all of this really happened within simply a few weeks? It's weird to think that my relationship with Hoseok was still in the early stages. 

Within minutes, our food comes out and I slurp them up hungrily, having not eaten well within the last forty-eight hours. 

"How was it today?" Jay asks after stuffing his mouth with his own noodles. 

I look up at him and shake my head, indicating today had been a bad day. "Everyone is so tense. The classes with the younger kids are fine, but then you start teaching kids that actually follow pop news and they start to treat you like you're an entirely different person." 

Jay nods. "I'm sure your relationships with a lot of people in your life will change now. I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to keep this as normal as possible and stay by your side to support you." 

I cringe. "Genuine emotions? What is this?" I swat at the air and lean back. 

Jay laughs. "There she is." 

I give him a grin, slowly starting to feel myself grow comfortable again, almost as if my life hadn't completely changed in one day. "I don't know what to expect," I continue. "I think that's one of the scariest parts. If I knew what to expect I could better prepare myself, but I don't even know what I'm getting into. I'm trying to stay off of social media for a couple of days so I'm not bombarded with spam and hate messages, but I know I can't avoid it forever. There are going to be aspects of my life that I would never have expected to change. Nothing is going to be the same anymore. I'm scared, Jay. If I'm being completely honest, I'm really scared." 

Jay takes a sip of water and then sighs. "I don't know what to tell you, Autumn. I wish I could do something but honestly, I don't know what you're getting into either. All I can tell you is that I'm here if you need anything and the fact that I'm only limited to that is so frustrating." 

I give him a grim smile. "I know you're here for me and I appreciate your support. I wish you could do more too. But I'll get through this, just like how I get through everything else." 

We finish dinner quickly and Jay drives me home. We may have been together for less than even an hour. 

People only believe what they want to.