"Mariz, I think you're the only I can love like this,I can't sleep thinking of you"
As I read the message from Noah I threw my phone on my bed because I feel disgusted. I dont know why, I mean I don't hate him, but I just feel disgusted from the word 'love'. And did he just confess on me in chat?What does he think of me a cheap whore or something? Does he think I will fall for that?Does it sound romantic to you? It cringes me.
Love. What does it really means.
I don't have any recollection of romantic love in real life. Love can only be read in novels and watch in kdramas. Love of parents to their child is real. Love of friends that can sacrifice their life for each other is real. But love that can be could special or can be read in romance novel is a BIG NO.. NO.. NO...
Marriage where there's a lot of people in it. It's what I see everywhere. In my house , in my whole family, in others people's houses.
Special love or romantic love is so alien to me.
Believing in love like that is like believing I can isekai if I was hit by truck-kun.
So as I grew up, people confessing to me is like a clown or comedian that make me laugh by theur silly jokes.
But tell me am I wrong?
What's right? What's wrong? Should I suppose to believe in someone's that full of uncertainty.
People lied and human is a visual animals. As long as you look pleasing and little kind everyone will be kind to you.
Many of them will confess not because they really mean it but what they want is to be "in a relationship" status.
They choose you because there's a few options or you look like an easy target that they can sway.
I remember my classmate in first year highschool where he ask every single girls in my class to date him in chat , in the first day of school. In his 18th try someone said yes to him and they dated for 2 days or less.
In this little example we can saw that it doesn't matter who was it but who will be the one that will fall in the trap by the so called relationship out of curiosity but not really committed.
Many says that how it works. But for me if that what love is, then I don't wanna have it.
'Love' that was treated like a shoes that you can changed whenever you want or what more pleasing to you in any given moment or shoes that you can change anytime if it doesn't fit you.
It's disgusting.
Can you please not call it love.
Because love without committment is just flirting. It's for a whore and jackass that wants to relieve their sexual desires.
I'm not preaching here but it what it really is.
That's why I can't believe in any of it. It's a fantasy to find someone that can truly love you,accept you, be committed to you, and never leave you for somebody else.
I'd rather be single for life than to be in a relationship with someone who could betray me anytime.
But then there's still little voice in my heart that's waiting for someone to prove to me that love is real. But all I can do is daydream the day it will happen.
That's how it ended my self monologue as I closed my eyes to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
For Mariz, The Empty Love.
Short Story"I will be there if you need me as your friend" I smiled at Erwin who is in the state of crying after confessing to me. It wasn't new to me. I always been confessed a lot of times. Maybe because they like my appearance and my personality, yet after...
