Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.forty-two.

"Angel." 

"Hobi." 

We just stand there, staring at each other, and unsure of who would make the first move. I can't tell if the silence and stillness is familiar or awkward. 

"Can I come in?" he finally asks. 

I breathe in through my nose and nod before stepping aside so he can take off his shoes. The door shuts behind us and I'm left in the open area of the living space alone. But only for a moment. Hoseok stands a couple of meters away from me, and after running his hand through his hair once, he walks towards me in large strides to wrap his arms around me. I close my eyes and instinctively do the same, relishing this familiarity I was afraid we had lost. 

"I'm sorry if I was distant the other day. My brain wasn't working." 

I smile into the cloth of his shirt. "My brain is never working." 

Hoseok chuckles and leans back in the embrace. "I know you're struggling. I know. And I was acting indifferent and distant. I know." 

I smile up at him. "You always know." 

His own smile mirrors mine. "I do. I know that in that moment, you needed someone to guide you, and even though I was supposed to be that person, I allowed my own fatigue to affect the conversation. I was selfish and mindless. I apologize." 

I nod. "I wasn't exactly the best version of myself either. I could have been kinder and understand that practically none of this situation is your fault or under your control. I'm sorry." 

Hoseok tilts his head and I rub my ear. What now? We apologized, but the problem still remained. Hoseok takes a deep breath. "Angel, I want you to know that no matter what decision you make, I'm going to understand and support. Being in your situation isn't the easiest, so I know that whatever you choose to do from here is what you think is best for us." 

I stare into his eyes. He knew. He knew that I was considering the decision both of us dreaded, but might be necessary. He always knew. And he always understood. He was always there. Always supportive. This was the man I loved. 

"Angel, don't cry." 

"I can't help it. Hobi, why do you have to be so amazing?" 

Hoseok laughs, although I can sense the sadness lying underneath. Kisses absorb the tears, reassuring me silently. We were never a couple to express extreme emotions vocally, even now. So even now, when I feel like the stack-up of every emotion known to mankind is about to make me explode, I'm left to do nothing else but stand on my toes and attach my lips to Hoseok's, knowing that this was the only way he would understand how I was feeling. 

He's immediately responsive, wrapping his arms around my waist and moving his lips with mine. We tell each other everything through physical touch, and when I feel moisture on my cheeks, I can't tell if the tears are from Hoseok or me. The arms around me lift me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. We communicate with each other wordlessly and Hoseok guides us from the living space to my bedroom. 

Our lips remain on each other, spilling all of our emotions and thoughts with each squeeze and brush of our hands. The gateway opens and I'm able to break past Hoseok's walls, into his mind and heart. Everything he's feeling is the same as my own sentiments, and the string of understanding tied around our hearts only strengthens and tightens. The emotions he's feeling overwhelms me further and when something wet slides down my cheek, I know that the tears are mine. But when I lean back from the kiss and look down at Hoseok, glistening trails mark his own cheeks and his eyes are still filled with unspilled emotions.