The blue voice | Klance

1.

Life is just not fair.

After everything I've lived, life still kicks my ass.

And trust me, not in a good way.

But I've realized that complaining won't change shit. So I'm accepting my life as it is.

Black and white.

Nothing matters anymore. What's done it's done. Mistakes have been made. People leave.

"It's okay". No. Actually. It's not okay.

I'm tired of pretending to be okay.

I am not okay. And that's not okay.

Everyone struggles at some point in life.

At least that's what people tell me.
Or at least what they told me.

Sometimes I get tired of thinking about my emotions. About what I'm feeling.
Sometimes I can hear my mind saying that I deserve better. That I deserve happiness.

That's bullshit.

I don't deserve shit. I'm not worth anything.

And I couldn't give less fucks about it.

Why should I care if life is unfair?
Why should I give an actual fuck.
It's not like I'm not used to it.
Because after all these years, after saying some lame ass goodbyes.
I've come to the conclusion that it is what it is.
And I will not, I swore I wouldn't, give a fuck if life thinks it's funny to break a broken boy.

Because I don't give a fuck.

"Kieth Kogane", the teacher called looking slightly annoyed.
I sighed. "Here"

School sucks. Pretty sure I'm not meant to be sitting here surrounded by idiots.
But sometimes it's fun. Sometimes I feel interested on what they teach. Maybe I like it because im not with them... yeah maybe that's why I enjoy going to school, or at least as much as I can enjoy shit.

The bell rang but I was already leaving. I walked silently to my next class, Maths.

Fun.

I watched as people greeted each other, some hugged, some high fived, some even kissed.
Not like I care.
I don't.
It's not like someone is waiting to greet me.

Emo boy. Fag. Depressed. Rude. Stupid. Asshole. Idiot. Waste of space.

Yeah I don't do friends.
Never have never will.
Why should I befriend someone when they'll leave me?
Why care about someone who will eventually leave?
It's not like they'll stay. They never do.
There's nothing much to miss anyway.
It's just me. Kieth Kogane, shitty past, emo vibes, asshole to anyone who tries to communicate with me.

Honestly why do I even live? Why am I still alive? There's no one- nothing waiting for me anywhere.
I'm alone.
Why am I still alive?
Don't know. Maybe it's because I have hope?
Yeah. Definitely not that.

The classroom wasn't as far as I remembered. Maybe because I usually don't think that much.
I probably shouldn't.
I entered the class, already receiving funny looks.
Anyone who has ears could hear the whispers.

"Look! It's emo boy. I heard he smoked weed on the principal's office"

"He's kinda hot... too bad he's a fag"

"I heard he sucked the teacher's dick to pass his class-"

"I heard he is an orphan"

"I saw him flirting with a boy once- it was disgusting"

So yeah. This is my life.
Ignoring shit is what I do best.

Being depressed didn't fix things.
Grieving sucks.
Better off with being an asshole I guess.

And school was shit. When isn't school shit?
But I can't complain. They would care.
About me?- no. About school.
I can't fail them. Even though I don't give a fuck about them. They clearly do. And I don't need another bruise or hideous scar to hide. It was already fucking embarrassing to buy make up and cover those up...
Yeah. No thanks.
That's one of the reasons I don't have friends.
Well, first of all, I don't need friends. I'm okay either way.
Second of all, if I do make friends, they'll distract me in school and I'll get bad grades.
That's enough to me.
Third of all, it's not like anyone is interested in being my friend. And even if they were. I promised myself that I'd never trust anyone ever again.
And why would I want someone who will leave me?
It's tiring enough to try and take care of myself, why should I take care of someone else? I'd just end up killing myself-

"Kogane!", the math's teacher yelled.
I sit up straight, earning a few glares from my teacher.
"Did you listen to what I just said?"
I sighed and shook my head slowly.
"That's detention for you Kogane! I'll wait for you after school, and bring a pencil because you will have extra work after this", the teacher hissed.
I ignored the snickers behind me and contained myself from rolling my eyes.

'Great. Now I'll be late for their punishments'
I cringed at the thought.
'If only anyone could save my sorry ass'