October 2015
Passing the hallway which was crowded with people was a difficult task as always. People seemed to be fond of walking in groups--afraid to be alone or left behind. Well that's normally what you'd expect for teenagers, wanting to fit in and all. A couple of sorry's and excuse me's later, I finally arrived at my class. From the backdoor, I can already see the quiet chaos erupting in class.
We're already 3 months in since school started and everyone in class has already formed groups and cliques, where they hang out together, eat together, go home together and basically do anything together. And of course, that included sitting in the same place together.
There were those who were always seated in front. These were the goal-oriented people. The achievers. The well-liked. Smart, responsible and most likely to be in "teacher's pet" list.
Those who did well but didn't really excel or stand out stayed in the middle part of class.
And those who couldn't care less stayed at the back. Including me. At the left most seat by the window was my place.
"Hey, did you see the latest episode of XX show?"
"Dude, lemme see your homework. I totally forgot about it."
"I'm hungry, you got any food there?"
Sigh, these were the people I'm stuck with for the rest of my senior year. I obviously didn't belong in any group or clique. I couldn't even bother to remember anyone's names. I'd just like to hurry up and leave this place to somewhere no one knows me.
The school bell rang. I saw hand-outs for the next class on top of the teacher's table, so I entered from the front door to get my copy, making sure to keep a low profile, covering my face with my hair. Not that they'd care anyway.
No one cares about you
But to my surprise, everyone went quiet when I entered. When I looked up to see, everyone already had their eyes on me.
Everyone's looking at you
"You're late!" a girl from the front seat said with a playful smile.
"I-uh"
"I'm sorry" a voice from behind me replied.
I glanced behind to see one of the more well-known kids in class, the one who always seated at the front and in the middle, Beatrice. Her thick wavy, long brown hair gracefully falls down to her diamond-shaped face. She wore a cute sunny dress paired with denim jacket, white sneakers and a bright happy smile on her face. Her go-to look. She carried herself with such confidence and elegance. It was unnerving being this close to her.
Of course everyone was looking at her. Just my luck that we entered together.
"Bea, hurry up and sit down already." Ms bob-hair whose name I couldn't bother remembering called out.
Beatrice smiled at her friend. When she noticed me, she smiled just the same and greeted me with "Hi!"
I turn away, completely ignoring her.
She hates you.
Rude, I know. But it didn't seem to bother her since she was already on her way to her seat after grabbing a copy of the hand-outs.
Immediately, after sitting down, everyone's attention was on her. So I grab my hand-out and walked quickly to my seat. People were already gathering at her seat, chitchatting. Whenever she talked, everyone listened and when she laughed, everybody laughed with her.
Everyone liked her. What's not to like? She's tall and she's smart; beautiful and strong. And when someone's down, she tries to fix what is wrong.
She's perfect.
Three months into school and all I did was observe people. Especially her. Probably out of spite or envy. She was perfect. Everything I wanted to be. So secure and confident, who obviously loved herself.
She's nothing like you.
She probably doesn't scar her skin with cuts and burns or draw on her arms with a blade.
Without meaning to, I held my arms and wrists. I pulled on my long sleeves making sure to cover myself more.
Once the teacher walked in and begun her lecture, I looked out the window and muted everyone out.
