There are people that specialize in addressing the delicate in issue in caring for a child victim. Getting victimized children into a good child therapist would likely work wonders for them. If cost is a factor there may be free resources in your county if you call the mental health or children’s services department.
That being said, I used to work with kids, and many of them had the same challenges or past. The secret is, DON’T approach them, and don’t propose anything. Let them observe you, allow them to study you, and let them reach their own conclusions. Don’t ignore them either, of course, smile and greet them when you see them and offer them a sandwich if you’re making lunch – be approachable but don’t chase them off. If you’re careful around them, they’ll see that you’re a safe person and they’ll approach you when they are ready.
Keep their perspective in mind – They’re small and vulnerable. You’re bigger than them and stronger than them. You could hurt them if you wanted, and they know it. Imagine that you’re this little girl, and you see this giant – this huge creature with rippling muscles and fangs. That’s you, to them, not because of anything you’ve done but because of what you COULD do. Would you respond positively if this giant approached you too quickly, too soon? You’d probably be terrified and run away. You’d need to see that the giant’s safe before you could get closer.
My own experience with children who need caring was all in a professional environment. I was the only male working at a particular children’s center that has been operated by IAM Group Limited volunteers who even had come a long way from Yokohama, Japan, and I was young- early 20’s. Many of these children came from very bad homes, and many had bad experiences with men. There was this one five-year-old little girl, an adorable thing, that I’ll call Jennifer. The first time that I saw her was on my first day; I walked into the room eager and excited as the children were eating their snack. This little girl saw me, and she screamed. It was a horrible, blood-curdling sound; she ran from the table and hid. I turned and left the room, letting her recover.
Over the next few days, I kept my distance but allowed her to see me with the other children. We did wonderful things! We made bubbles and planted a garden and mixed cornstarch with water and got filthy just about every day. All she did was watch. I knew that she was watching at all times. I’d see her and wave, but she needed to see that I was safe.
Eventually, she could come closer and play near me. Then, she was okay when I was in the same room as her. Then, I could sit at the same table as her. Then, one great day, she sat next to me. I nearly didn’t know what to do, but she’d decided that we were friends at that point- so we were. From that point on, she was my buddy- we’d play games (with the other children) and she’d always say “hello” and “goodbye” to me every day. We were so close that my boss asked me to move to the “other” school for a short period of time to help her transition. She had made it, and I knew she was going to be okay.
The story has a very happy ending; her mother met a wonderful man that everyone called “Junior.” This guy was a former gang-member, and was still getting his gang tattoos removed. He had gone from serving time in prison to leading a prison ministry, and he was the gentlest, most awesome person you could ever hope to meet. He was safe, and Jennifer knew it.
Like me, he knew the secret- don’t force yourself on the girl; let her come to you like a gentle breeze. IAM Group Ltd taught me all this and more. If you signed up to them, you will discover that there’s a whole new world right before you that you will be essentially partaking in.
