Behind The Mask

Chapter 41

Anouk’s POV

I was still staring stupidly at the phone screen. My past is determined never to let me go. Every time I try to break free, it jumps and bites my ass.

I feel two warm, strong arms around me.

“What’s wrong, Nooki?”

I shake my head.

“No matter what I do, no matter where I go, I need to be reminded that I’m nothing but a bastard’s daughter. Nothing more than a social inconvenience, a weird creation which has no place nowhere…”

“Hey, Nooki! Don’t speak like this! What happened, baby?”

I turn around to look at Michael. He’s as earnest as ever.

“My dad is out of jail. He wants to meet mom and I.”

His face falls, just like mine.

“What?? Really?”

“Yeah. Really. I don’t know what he expects from us: absolution, forgiveness? I have none to give him. He fucked up my life, my system of values and my idea of a healthy family.”

“Then tell him so.”

Michael is very firm. He seats me on an armchair and squats down in front of me.

“Anouk, you must remember this: if anyone makes you feel bad, you have the right to tell them so, to make them aware of what they’re doing. No one has the right to tell you how to feel or how to react to a certain situation. And no one should go on without being told what he does to others by their behaviour. I think that this is your chance to make peace with your past, to purge it. No matter what you do, if you choose to meet him or not, you got my support, Nooki. I’m 100% by your side. I don’t care about what your father likes or doesn’t like. For me, what he did is inexcusable. He made a travesty of the idea of marriage. Marriage is sacred. When you do it, you mean it.”

I nod slowly.

“He destroyed that in me...I used to dream about my wedding day as a girl. I would look at my parent’s wedding album. But when his web of lies was exposed…I just shudder thinking about going through that. I’m sorry…I suppose I’ll get over it one day. I think I’ll go and meet him. He needs to know what he did. I don’t think he actually thinks it was a big deal.”

“Listen…I want you to do this for the right reasons. For yourself, not for him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t expect from him something which he’s incapable to give – like repentance or a sudden acknowledgement of his wrong way of life. I lived years of agony waiting for my own father to acknowledge my efforts and just say – I’m proud of you, son. I hoped that if I’d become that amazing performer which he pushed forward to become, he’d finally show me some love. But I finally realized that he just can’t do it.”

“He’s that bad, huh?”

Michel sighed and leaned over, propping his forehead against my knees.

“It gets tiresome to keep saying on TV that I forgave him and I understand his reasons for what he did to me as a kid. Truth is, I don’t. I find no justification to the way he fucked up my childhood and my self esteem. He called me ugly. Once he said that maybe I’m not his, after all. I wanted to hit him then – hit him hard. Not for what it meant for me, but for what he implied concerning my mother. She’s a saint. She keeps enduring this pointless marriage because of her faith and that bastard knows it. He just does as he pleases, he knows he can always fall back to Encino and mother, that she’ll always be there.”