Inside a girl's mind.

PROLOGUE. (Or just a thingy).

I'm getting closer to believing I like him.

I don't want to.

It's that sort of thing you know won't work out because he's older and well, you just sort of know it won't work but you hope someday it will.

You know when you've known a guy (or girl I'm not judging) for a while and at first for a long time you only see them as friends and then suddenly your mind starts saying things such as:

"Oh I think you like him.. Yeah you act a bit different! You so like him!"

To which you retort with:

"No! I can't like him! I won't act different! Stop!"

And then when you're around him you're just like 'dang it stop acting different, okay good, no no don't do that' and blah blah.

Yeah that's the sort of thing that is happening to me currently.

***

Hello there person who's reading this.

I'm Lola. And well, this, is my diary. It's where I'm going to post entries whenever I need to. Yeah I know "what's she doing publishing this!!", I don't know actually. Maybe some of you can relate and maybe even help me. If you want to of course.

I guess I'm sharing what happens from here on in my life, until I get sick of uploading stuff.

Alrighty then. Right now, (10am) I'm sitting in a classroom surrounded by immature idiots who think they're cool. I hate going to an all girls school. It's like living hell. The bitching and drama and the carrying on about tiny things is so exhausting!

I want to move to another school that has boys and girls, but my mum says the reputation isn't good there. I know a lot of people from the year above and they always assure me that if I move there and anyone's giving me trouble, they'll protect me. They're mostly boys.

Quick intro: (I'm changing the names..)

-Ty: He's south american like me but he's part asian. Really nice, funny and amused easily. In the year above.

-Jake: Also south american. He's nice and really funny, like really. Like and older brother to me. In the year above.

Alright. There are more people but I can't be bothered and besides, I'm closer to these two anyways.

I've been hanging out with them a lot. I usually see them 3-4 times a week, sometimes more. They occasionally call up to go down to the beach to meet them. We all live within 10 minutes walk from each other.

I've grown closer to them then to my friends from school. I find that I can handle boys better than girls, mainly because they're carefree. They know I'm not really like other girls. I can be girly sometimes but I try to be reasonable. They say I'm mature for my age (turning 15 in a month and a bit), and they say I'm easy to talk to and get along with. I'm glad they like my company. Sometimes I feel like a burden to them and I ask them if they're okay with me there. They always say that I'm fine and that they like my company and that I should stop worrying.

I'm myself around everyone now. I wasn't last year and in the beginning (when I say beginning I mean it) of this year. I guess because I hadn't had my first kiss yet so I wasn't as confident. But then also, I stopped caring about what people thought about me. I never really used too much make up. The only reason I use it is to cover up simple blemishes or dark circles. And occasionally mascara. I'm not into the whole 'cake-face' appeal.

Anyways back to the point of the friends and stuff.

I hang out with the guys and about 10+ people in the weekends. Usually friday and saturday. It's like a drink up, but I don't really drink much. There's this guy who's always there and he's a big light weight. It's a bit funny actually.

Lately I've been going to the oval (grass area thing where people play sports) close to my house to watch Jake and Ty play football (soccer) with the Irishman they met. It's entertaining. I've always liked watching football games. The boys always worry because they think I get bored when I watch them play, but I don't.

Now, what the "prologue" spoke of. That's about Ty. (Part of the reason why I like watching them play football hehe). But pretty much. He's extremely nice and chivalrous and cute and good looking! I don't want to like him though because I'm afraid things will become awkward between us, and if that happened, I'd die. Well, not literally, but you get what I mean.

He's one of those guys who listen to you when you have something bother you like actually goes to the extreme of getting it out of you, comforts you when you need it, pulls you for a hug if you're cold and insists you take his jacket. If he hears someone is troubling you or is being a douche to you he says 'stay away from him. I will find him and he will be destroyed. What's his name? What school?', he's a bit overprotective at times and will beat anyone that stands in your way. He's very sweet and cute. Cute as in looks and way of being.

See that? Yeah. Everyday I think whether to text him to come hang out or not. I just got home from school now (3:40pm). I want to text him, but at the same time I don't know if I should. Maybe I might. Oh to hell with it, I'll do it... Done it. No turning back now.

-waiting for reply-

7 minutes later..

"Beach?"

To which I replied

"Is that a question?"

To which he said

"Question statement"

Lol. Ty, I knew it was one. (So didn't hehe).

YAY PHONE CALL! Looks like I'm going to the beach, too bad it's not just us two.. Oh well.

Well, the beach was fun. It's too hot here so I decided to have a swim. Ty seemed a bit distant, but I guess its because there were other guys with us. I still have to catch him alone. I haven't hung out with just him for a while. I wore my new bikini and I got a few stares. It's a peach colour, with tiny white polka dots on it. It has frilly material flowing on the top border of the top and bottom. The top is strapless.

Because I'm tan, it contrasts well with my skin. It fits really well too.

Ty sneaked a few looks and I sort of smiled to myself. He's told me he thinks I'm pretty and hot and what-a-not. Of course, I disagree but take the compliment anyway because it'd seem like I'm fishing for compliments and I don't do that.

I only spent an hour with them this time, usually it's 3+. It was fun anyway. I was contemplating whether to pull him aside and just hug him really tight and tell him the truth. But for the best, I didn't.

Went back home and showered, ate dinner, and went to bed. Didn't have a good night sleep. It's not the first time. Throughout this week, out of 5 days, I had one good night sleep.

Because of the heat and my being constantly wishing to be able to see Ty and to just get out of my house and for school to just end already.

Time has decided to torture me and go by slowly. Fast when I'm having a good time, but slow any other time. Even at night it's painfully slow.

This morning I did my hair, left home only 10 minutes late but still got to prison (school), on time.

Every painful fucking second of this hell all I want to do is be at the beach hanging out with other people. The only girls I can stand to be around right now are Alice and Gina. (Changed names again). The rest are just simply obnoxiously fucked.

Australian History. What a boring subject. No offense, just the part we are doing right now and the way we're being taught is just meh.