the love that [he] used to give me can't be found
i lost my way, [he] said [he'd] stay
and lately i've been sleeping with a ghost
moving mountains; usher
✿ luke ✿
luke cannot believe that the fucking window shows calum. he hates every thing in existence. how could God be so terrible that he put calum through his window?
"i've been fucking good," luke says out loud. "i've done nothing wrong."
of course they never noticed before because they've only spent time with each other. they've never been looking.
luke noticed it the day calum did. he noticed purely out of natural behaviour. he barely glanced out the window and then there was calum, staring straight at him. staring straight at him, for who knows how long.
luke caught his eye and calum basically jumped out of his skin and turned away. of course he turned away, because he's a pathetic loser who doesn't know how to stay.
still, hours later, at two o'clock in the afternoon, luke is the one staring into calum's room. he can't help it. he looked out of curiosity, and then calum came in. he didn't notice luke at first, and when he did, he didn't look for very long. he is packing a suitcase and luke wonders why but then the words that calum spoke to him earlier in the month came back to him.
"oh, hey, luke, i forgot to tell you yesterday. after christmas, my folks want me to go visit cali, and i asked if i could bring you- they're elated, to say the least. they wanna know all about the luke-hype. if you want to come, you're totally able to," calum had said.
california. that's why calum is packing. not that he cares, or any thing. calum ripped his heart out and chewed it up and spit it out like it was poison in his mouth. he doesn't give a shit what calum does, not at all. (maybe he really really cares, actually.)
what really hurts is that luke could be going with him, and he didn't even mess any thing up, that was all calum.
luke wants his mom. he doesn't care how much he sounds like a five year old. he wants his mom. he needs his mom. he's heartbroken and he's one hundred percent alone. no mom, no calum, no ashton. nobody.
suddenly, calum's done packing and has zipped his suitcase and slung his backpack over his shoulder. he looks awkwardly through the window at luke, like he's not sure if he should say goodbye. he gives a little wave, and luke furrows his eyebrows and gives a half-hearted smile that probably looks more sad than happy. he looks away right after so he doesn't see calum leaving. luke doesn't look back into calum's room until after he hears a car start (calum's) and by then, the room is dark and deserted.
it's hours later and luke wants to sleep his days away but suddenly he's so awake and he couldn't be paid to fall asleep. he doesn't want to have to sit around and think about calum and about ashton and about himself. he wants to forget every thing.
kill yourself
forget every thing
and kill yourself
luke doesn't want to meet the same fate as his mother but really, what else can he do?
he sits for hours upon hours thinking. planning. writing. he's got to figure it all out, there has to be some strategic way to die in which he is not succumbing to the devil and his wish for the hemmings family to fall apart.
luke's phone dings. high pitched and awful. who possibly texted him? he's made it clear that he doesn't want to hear from either of the boys who ruined every thing.
he almost doesn't check it. but he does, of course he does. no matter what happened, any chance of calum talking to him is disgustingly welcomed.
and sure enough, it is calum.
from: blocked number
7:47
hey i know you probably blocked my number, so this is calum, but i can't stand the thought of you all alone with no one to talk to, so please please please text this number (insert number here). it's my sister mali-koa. you can pretend she's not even my sister if it helps. she wants to help you. im sorry for what i did and i'm sorry i didn't try harder for you to see that i regret it.
luke wonders if calum knows he's so full of shit.
to: blocked number
7:54
please don't talk to me again
from: blocked number
7:55
ok but will you text her???
luke shakes his head but still copies the number and sends a quick text saying, this is luke, and naming the contact.
they begin texting back and forth and mali-koa acts as a therapist of sorts, which makes luke think that he could probably use one, but he promised himself he'd never get another therapist. he hates therapy. mali-koa acts as a mother, not a therapist. she's a good person.
she makes luke tell her every thing, from how he felt before and how he feels after, and if he still sort of feels like he did before. he does.
it doesn't feel like she is calum's sister, and that's good because it makes luke feel like she's doing this for him and not calum.
from: mali-koa
8:33
do you think you'll have him back?
to: mali-koa
8:35
did he make you ask this
from: mali-koa
8:35
no. he wants to know but he's with mum right now. he doesn't know i'm asking.
to: mali-koa
8:37
i don't know if i want him back. i loved him so much and i devoted myself to him and he kind of threw that away. he ruined everything.
from: mali-koa
8:38
i'm not trying to influence you, but i know that if you'll have him back, he would be so grateful and he would be better to you than ever. keep that in mind, luke. he's so upset with himself. you're not even letting him tell you that.
to: mali-koa
8:42
it's only been six days since i've known, i'm not ready
mali says she understands and luke says that he'll be going to bed now and mali says, "okay" and that she's "always able to talk."
there's one good thing that calum's done. he's thankful for mali-koa.
· 。* 。· 。* 。·
my fave part of this chapter is the katy perry reference in there comment if you caught it bc then we can be best friends
understand that if luke doesn't seem as hurt as he should, it's because he doesn't want to remember how it felt to find out that his best friend and boyfriend slept together.
also understand that when calum left, he waved because he didn't want luke to think he didn't care. he was going to say goodbye in person, but he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.
I'd like to think that calum is still very much in love with luke, and luke, even if he doesn't want to be, is still in love with calum. he just hates what he did and he can't trust him.
I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! vote and comment, it really boosts my confidence and motivates me!!!
-M
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we are flowers {cake au}
Fanfic"you're the best person i've ever met in my entire life." "i'm all yours."
