You Didn't Even Try

It's funny what some people threaten you with, yet never do. So many people said they would kill me, I deserved it, but that's unimportant, yet it was a pond and some thin ice that managed it. Many people said they would be the first to dance on my grave; no-one did. Plenty of people said they would take great pleasure in stabbing me in the back as I did to them, not sure whether that was literal or metaphorical but no-one even tried. People said they would ruin me; no-one has yet. I was told no-one would be at my funeral; it was one of the largest gatherings I've ever attended. It's been a few hundred years, and people haven't come for their revenge. I almost feel insulted. All the people who said they hated me cried at my death; even I didn't cry, what would be the point. It was my time to die, and it's not like I didn't deserve it. I've received plenty of offers from people willing to trade anything to bring me back too. Why? I know death does weird things to people, but that kind of sacrifice doesn't get anyone anywhere. They didn't even know I was listening. It's like they all suddenly started to care. How inconvenient for them.

It shouldn't affect me, but it does. I shouldn't give this a second thought, but I do. All I've had for the company is the elements; and a rather angry tanned guy, for all of five minutes, but we don't talk about that. I've taken people watching to a whole new level now.

I quickly moved on from my 'mourners' because, while human emotions can be really rather dramatic, sadness and regret are seriously dull after, like, three hours. Be original people, please!

I really need better entertainment.

I'm still waiting for someone to ruin me, it hasn't happened yet. I'm sure it will. Eventually, and probably entirely accidentally. It has to happen eventually; I've never had that much lucky. My company is still standing strong, the same families still work in the business, my family friends are still there, and there's very little fresh blood.

I wish I could say I miss those I used to know, but I can't. My mother always told me it was wrong to lie. I've always been rather fond of my mother's advice, she was rarely wrong, and she learned from experience. I learn from her experiences, too, it would be rude to ignore all the lessons she learned over the years.

I look forward to watching people try and fail to fulfil what they said they would do; once they remember why they wanted to do me in, I'm sure they will be fighting each other for the chance. My existence really is awfully boring nowadays, so it would be nice to see them fail, preferably time and time again.

They said I would go to hell. Well, they weren't wrong.