"Crush kita."
Matapos ko 'yung sabihin ay medyo nahihiya akong ngumiti sa cute na lalaking hinarang ng mga kaibigan ko. Agad nga lang itong napawi nang lingunin ko ang kaibigan kong si Marcus na nakangising nakatingin din sa'kin. Bahagyang nabaling sa kanya ang atensyon ko nang pasimple syang ngumuso saka umiwas ng tingin sa'kin.
Mukhang masaya sya ah. Maging ganyan pa rin kaya ang reaksyon nya kung sa kanya ko sinabi ang mga katagang 'yun?
Umiling ako saka muling nilingon ang walang kamuwang muwang na estudyanteng hinarang namin. My smile re-appeared as I noticed the cute innocent guy's face reddened in embarrassment. Parang gusto nitong tumakbo palayo pero dahil sa naglalakihang anyo ng mga kaibigan kong lalaki sa likuran nya ay hindi nya magawa.
I apologetically smiled at him and decided to end his misery so I waved my hand as goodbye.
Pursing my lips and forcing it into a smile, I settled myself into a final verdict that this would be the first and last time I'm using someone as decoy to my unrequited attraction. The confusion and misery in that guy's face made me guilty.
Sinalubong kami nina Marcus ng mga kaibigan naming kanina pa nanunuod sa'min mula sa tapat ng classroom namin at bakas sa mukha nila ang ngisi at pang-aasar na hindi ko na lang binigyan ng pansin. I wasn't totally happy with what I did and I also didn't like the way Marcus responded to it.
"Infairness, he's cute. Nice catch."
Sumulyap ang kaibigan kong si Alegna sa likuran ko kaya sinundan ko ang kanyang tingin at nakita kong naestatwa pa rin doon ang lalaking pinag-aminan ko na crush ko. He was staring straight at me as if I did some crime to him and I almost urged myself to explain and apologize to him had Marcus not block my view of him. Hindi ko naman ito minasama. I was rather relieved that it was him staring straight at me. It kind of took away my guilt.
Although it brought a different feeling...something I've been trying to disperse because as I steady my gaze at those cryptic eyes and to his sensual lips forming a ghost of smile, I couldn't stop myself from having those feelings as it almost took away my breath.
I was a bit thankful at Alegna's harsh words for it given me time to compose myself and inhale some air.
"Alis nga ryan, Marcus. Hindi ka cute no. Harang ka sa tinitingnan namin."
Tinulak ito ni Alegna palayo pero imbes na mabaling ang tingin ko sa lalaking hinarang nya ay napasunod lang ang tingin ko sa mukha nya. Hindi ito nakatingin sa'kin at nakalabing nakatingin sa babae kaya malaya kong napagmamasdan ang anyo nya. Gustuhin ko mang kontrahin si Alegna sa sinabi nya pero ayaw ko namang gumawa ng lapat sa pagkakaibigan namin kung malalaman nilang si Marcus talaga ang crush ko. They might also dislike the idea that I lied to them just to hide my feelings. Ayokong umabot kami sa ganoon.
"Ang cute kaya ni Marcus. Bitter ka lang kasi kapatid lang tingin nya sayo," singit ng isang kaibigan naming si Reese.
Because of her intrusion, my attention landed to them who was now busy bickering at each other.
Ngumiti na lang ako saka pasimpleng lumingon kay Marcus pero nagulat ako nang mahuli ko syang nakatitig sa'kin. Seryoso ang mukha nito at hindi man lang nag-iwas ng tingin sa'kin.
"Yuck. Paano ako magiging bitter dyan kung hindi ko naman crush 'yan? Pangit nya no."
Nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin saka lumapit na kina Alegna pero kahit sa paglayo ko ay ramdam ko pa rin ang titig nito mula sa aking likuran.
Naguguluhan ako. I wanted to ask him the reason why he's doing it but I'm afraid, that just like Alegna, I would just be placed in a sibling zone by him and I don't want that. Hindi ganoon kababaw ang nararamdaman ko para mabalewala lang sa huli. I'd rather keep this to myself and feel the lesser pain until it subsided. Bata pa lang naman kami kaya sigurado akong huhupa rin ito.
