"No" I whispered softly. My breath caught in my throat as my words hung in the cool morning breeze. My right hand instinctively flew up to my mouth, covering it like a clasp, keeping more words from tumbling out. Sucking up all the courage that was left in me, I met his gaze, and immediately looked away.
What have I done?
Did I really cause all that pain and hurt and anger? Or is he just too far gone to ever change his stone cold expression and replace it with the humorous and tender gaze I had come to love?
Or was it my fault? It was always my fault.
My palms started to sweat, and my bottom lip started to tremble.
"I'm so sorry Harry. I didn't mean it. It just came out, I'm so sorry." my words tumbled over one another, faster and faster.
"You did. Mean it, I mean. Didn't you." he whispered. He picked at his thumbnail, too angry to meet my eyes.
"Yeah, yeah I did." My voice cracked at the end. I had to stop hurting him.
A heavy sigh escaped his lips, and I felt his warm breath on my cheek.
"Harry-" I started, trying to take back what I said.
"Stop." he said.
"Harry, I'm sorry, I-" I tried to start again, but was interrupted by his voice.
"Just stop it OK? I've had enough. I'm tired of this. Of us. Of you....." he trailed off, letting his unfinished speech hang above us.
"Say it." I urged, "Finish your sentence."
Somehow, I knew the answer. And I didn't like it.
"I need a break."
The words couldn't have been more painful. They broke my heart. I could literally feel my heart strings falling apart one by one. This was exactly what I feared the most.
"Was there someone else?" I managed. I stared at my open palms, willing them to move. But they didn't.
"No." he answered. I didn't need to look up to know he was telling the truth.
I sighed. At least he wasn't a cheater. Only a heart breaker.
"I would never hurt you like that Sarah. You know that. Don't you?" he asked, taking my hands in his.
I met his gaze and simply nodded.
This was all my fault.
It always has been...and always will be.
"I just...I've tried so hard. We have been together through everything. I have seen you at your weakest point. I know how hard this is gonna be for you, but all I want is for you to marry me. And every time I ask, you turn me down." he explained solemnly. "You have to understand that no matter what happens, if you change your mind, or even if you don't, I will always be waiting for you." he whispered, voice cracking.
Tears pricked my eyes.
"I love you. I want to marry you. Please don't leave." was what I wanted to say. But I didn't. Because it was time to move on.
I took in his appearance one last time before I had to let him go.
Wavy almond-brown hair was swept to the side in a neat curve. Pale skin covered his body. A dusting of freckles rested on his nose. High cheekbones, and a defined jaw made him look young and mature at the same time. A small birthmark could be seen right on his neck. Left side, right under his jaw. Only I could ever notice it. I imagined him glaring at me whenever I poked it playfully. I sighed. It would be quite a while before I ever laughed again. I placed two small dimples on his cheeks, even though I couldn't see them. They were my favorite thing about him. That and his eyes. I saved those for last, knowing that as soon as I looked at them, I would fall apart. Piece by piece. His eyes were beautiful, They were unlike any I had ever seen. Bright blue, green, and gray eyes, with a small speck of brown in his right one. The colors blended perfectly together like the ingredients of a cake. I could stare at them all day. But now, I could only stand to see them for a few seconds at a time.
