Losing Love • Malec

Chapter 8

Alec followed Jace to the dinner table. He really did not want to do this. Why was I even here? So I can please my parents at least a little bit? Jace stopped at the front of the table, as if surveying where to sit. Alec stopped behind him.

Maryse, who was sitting on Robert's right, finnaly saw Alec, who was trying to make himself small behind Jace. "Alec, how nice of you to join us." She said. "Look at us all together, isn't this great?"

There were mumbled replies as Jace sat down at the opposite end from Robert, as if saying he was sitting at the head of the table too. Alec slid into the seat next to Isabelle, who was on the other side of their father's seat.

The food was passed around and Alec idly scooped some, trying to avoid eye contact. Why was he even bothering with this? It was so useless. He didn't want to talk to anyone, and he didn't want to see his dad. He would rather be in his room, even if it meant he was alone with his thoughts. He needed to decide if he was going to talk to Magnus.

"How have you been, Alec?" A voice jolted him back to reality. It was his dad.

"How do you think I've been?" Alec retorted. Did he not see the eyebags? The unbrushed hair? His bright blue eyes that now looked dull?

Maryse gave one of those mother looks and Alec immediately knew he shouldn't have said that to Robert. "Alexander!" She scolded

He winced when his mother called him that. Magnus called him by his full name. Magnus used to call you by your full name. He doesn't call you anything anymore. His brain said, and it made him want to squish his brain.

"That is no way to speak to your father." His mother continued.

"Sorry, Mom," Alec looked away so his hair fell down, hiding his face. "Sorry, Dad." He said more reluctantly.

They all returned to their food, and there was a long pause while people ate. Everyone but Alec, he just pushed his food around his plate.

"Aren't you hungry?" Robert asked. He didn't address the question to anyone specific, but it was obviously directed to Alec.

Alec felt his family's eyes on him, so he chose not to look up from his plate. "Not really." He finnaly answered.

"Don't starve yourself over a warlock." Robert said casually, so casually Alec wanted to punch him. Keep calm, he thought. "Especially a male warlock." Robert continued.

Alec really wanted to punch him now, instead he said, "I'm not starving myself. I'm just not hungry right now."

"Oh, so you don't care about him anymore." He stated, as if daring Alec to tell him otherwise.

Alec didn't reply, he could feel the tension and it felt like everyone was just waiting for him to explode. He needed to remain silent and calm.

"Are you done with men?"

Silence.

Robert turned to his wife. "I told you it was just a phase."

Alec's figure hardened and he gripped the edge of the tablecloth. "It's not a phase." He bit out. Screw being silent and calm.

Robert turned back to him and they stared each other down. Alec's hair was no longer hiding his face.

"It's not natural. You were curious, you dated, you broke up. It's over. You're not gay."

"But I am! And I'm not ashamed anymore. It's who I am." Alec pushed his chair out and stood up. His voice echoed throughout the room.

"Don't lie to yourself."

"That's great advice. Maybe you should take it. Stop telling yourself I'm straight. Stop telling me I'm straight."

Alec could hear his heart pounding, and his blood rushing in his ears. Suddenly Isabelle was standing up beside him, and Robert was standing up too.

"This isn't your fight, Iz." Alec finds himself saying. She looks hurt, but Alec is too angry at his dad, and it's his fight, not her's. She returns to her seat.

Jace, after hearing what Alec told Isabelle, stays put. This is something Alec feels he has to do alone, but that doesn't stop Jace from worrying about his parabatai.

"Alexander-" Robert begins.

"It's Alec." He says automatically. How can something as simple as his name bring back memories of Magnus?

"I named you Alexander."

Alec's fingernails pierce through the tablecloth and scrape the solid wood beneath. He shifts his feet back and forth on the ground where he stands, watching his dad standing up across the room

"A parent names their child. Are you a parent?" Alec challenges.

"Of course Alexander." He was too angry to bother about correcting his dad this time.

"Doesn't a parent love their child unconditionally?"

You could hear a pin drop. Alec sized up his dad, and for once, Robert didn't know how to reply.

"You don't accept me for who I am. You don't love me unconditionally. I don't care if you disown me, you're no parent of mine." Alec stormed out without another word. The only sound was his shoes pounding on the floor.

Once he was outside he breathed in and out, trying to calm himself. He had no idea where he was going to end up, he just knew he had to get away. So Alec ran.