Wife for Hire

Chapter 30

(Karmen)
The funeral was short and sweet and the burial was the same. I don't remember shedding a single tear, I had started to wonder if they'd dried up. Jason was nice enough to let us have the repasts at his house. A lot of people came and told stories about my mom and how she was as a person.
"That was the first time I had seen my aunt running out of the house holding Karmen by her ankles. I don't know what the girl got into, but she wasn't allowed back in for a couple of hours." I laughed at the memory and shook my head, that was a day.
More people came and told stories about my mom, the people that she'd helped and even some of the kids that used to live on our block telling us how she kept them out of all kinds of trouble. I didn't have any words though honestly. She had influenced so many people.
"I'm sorry for your loss." I turned to the voice speaking to me and froze. Markus.
"Markus?" He held up his hands to show he was harmless. I eyed the flowers in one hand and nodded, letting him know that I believed him.
"I know I haven't been the best friend to you, but your mother helped me a lot and I didn't even know it. I'm sorry about everything Karmen, I know I can't go back and change the way that I was or how things happened, but I hope from here on out we can be on better terms." He handed me the flowers that he'd brought and pulled me into a hug. Before I could even hug him back or acknowledge his presence, he was gone. I looked up and my eyes met Joe's all I could do was shrug. He returned the shrug with his own before turning to talk to Maxine.
"How are you holding up?" I looked up to see Derek standing there. I sent him a small smile and nodded. I had accepted that I wouldn't have my mom for long and the day had finally come.
"I've been better." I said. He nodded and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him for comfort for a while, until he finally pulled away.
"Hey can I talk to you?" I nodded, waiting for him to say whatever it was he needed to say. "Away from all these people?" I nodded and let him lead me upstairs to my old room. I smiled at the memories that I had here, I was sad to see that the room hadn't been touched. It looked the exact same as it did the night of the gala, make up everywhere. Dresses and shoes thrown all over the place.
"I know these last couple of weeks have been hard and that this might not be the best time to mention this, but I can't keep it in anymore." He took a deep breath. "Karmen, I like you."

(Jason)
I watched as Derek took Karmen upstairs and tried to fight the urge to follow. He had his hand at the small of her back guiding her back to her old room. Maybe he had gotten the chance that he had been waiting for and he was going to comfort her in private. I tried my best to hold back, but when I saw Joe giving him a questionable look, I couldn't help but follow him upstairs.
I know these last couple of weeks have been hard and that this might not be the best time to mention this, but I can't keep it in anymore." Pause. "Karmen, I like you." I held my breath and waited for Karmen to say something. To say anything, but honestly how could she process a confession right now when she'd just buried her mother. Before I could wait for Karmen to respond herself I was pushing the door open.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" I said. Both Karmen and Derek looked surprised to see me there. Derek had been holding Karmen's hand, but quickly let it go when I walked in.
"Minding my business, how about you try it for a change." Before I could think about what I was doing, I was walking over to him, fists balled tight. Karmen stopped in front of me, hands up prepared to push me back.
"Jason, let me handle this, okay?" I looked down at her face and saw how bad she wanted to handle this on her own and nodded, before taking a step back. She turned back to Derek, who stood expectantly awaiting her answer.
"Derek, you've been such a good friend to me these past couple of weeks, but I'm sorry I don't feel the same way." He seemed to be surprised.
"What about New Year's, the kiss?" She winced.
"We never really got the chance to talk about that one did we? I was going to tell you then that I didn't feel that way, but things got a little hectic." His mouth formed the little 'o' shape and he nodded, scratching the back of his head.
"Well, I'm sorry that I misinterpreted everything." He said, no longer able to meet either of our eyes. Karmen nodded and before she could say anything else he was mumbling about needing to meet a client and left. Karmen released a loud sigh herself and went over to her bed and sat on the edge.
"How you holding up?" I asked, not sure if I should sit with her on the bed or stay where I was. She shrugged.
"I'm okay, wish mom was here, but you know." She said. I nodded and decided to sit on the bed with her.
"Anything I can do?" I asked as she leaned against me. I wrapped an arm around her.
"Just stay here for a moment?" I nodded and we stayed like that for a little while
(Karmen)
I let Jason's arm stay around me for a little while, maybe too long because I was getting way too comfortable leaning up against him.I tried my best not to let myself get to comfy, but that was almost impossible when he had been my comfort for the last couple of months.
"Karmen..." I looked up to see what Jason had to say, when there was a knock at the door. I pulled away from him as he said come in.
"Hey can I talk to you?" Jason and I looked up to see who was in the doorway and we both frowned when we saw Emily standing there. I stood instantly, not wanting anything to do with her anymore. Jason grabbed my arm, a look in his eyes that was begging me to stay and finish our conversation. I sighed.
"I have nothing to say to you Emily." I said. I would stay and have this conversation with Jason, but I would not be talking to her.
"I know and I don't expect you too. I know you have a lot going on right now and I'm sorry for your loss. I just thought I should tell you that, that night in the hotel, Jason had nothing to do with that." I shook my head, I knew that already, but Jason perked up at this.
"I overheard him in the hallway talking to a maid about the room and decided to listen in. When he left I decided to follow the maid and when I saw everything that he had set up for you, I didn't know what to say or what to think. I had screwed up and in that moment I would have rather had seen you both separated than happy."
Jason took a step forward and shook his head, processing everything that she was saying. I couldn't blame him. I was still fuming myself at her calling me the help.
"You'd rather me be miserable? After everything I had already suffered from with you?" He said. I grabbed his arm, the only small comfort I could offer him at this moment.
"I know. I know and I'm sorry. I just kept thinking about what I wanted to fix and I didn't even realize that you could be happy. That she genuinely made you happy and now you guys are getting divorced. I know it's probably already too late, but I am truly sorry." She turned to me. " And Karmen, I am truly sorry about calling you the help. I know it doesn't make it right or give me any excuse, but you were already so much better than me in so many ways, there was no way I could compete. I saw how he looked at you, held you and I thought that if I couldn't have him I could at least tear you down and I truly apologize for that." I let the words sink in, but nodded. I couldn't say that I had forgiven her or say that I ever would honestly. I just knew that an apology was a start.
" I can't forgive you right now, but I do appreciate that you apologized." She nodded and looked between the two of us again.
"I am really sorry for the trouble I caused, if there's anything that I can do to make it up to you please let me know." We both nodded and she turned to leave the room. I looked over at Jason, who looked at me and shrugged before grabbing my waist and pulling me to him.
"See? I told you it was nothing on my end." He said. I nodded, my hand caressing his cheek.
"I knew that Jason. I knew you didn't have anything to do with her that night." He cocked his head to the side, his brow furrowing in confusion.
"Then why did we get the divorce." I stepped back and turned away from him. I know I had told so many other people why I went through with the divorce, but for some reason telling him was so much harder.
"Jason," I said, turning to face him again. "I would have loved to stay with you. I would have loved to continue what we had going on, waking up next to you and spending time with you and your dad, but my entire life has been me looking out for my mom. All of my dreams got put on hold when she was diagnosed with cancer and now I need to find out who this new Karmen is, what she likes, what she wants to do with her life and I'm worried that if I stay with you, I'll push all of that behind me. I won't become the best me that I can be, to meet you halfway." He pulled me to him again.
"We can find all that out together Karmen, you don't have to do that alone." I could feel a tear slide down my face and almost laughed. Of course now they wanted to make an appearance after being dry all day.
"I know Jason, but I want to. I want to make sure that for once I'm living for me and not someone else. I'm sorry that I didn't explain it this way before, that I left you with any unnecessary guilt, but I do still need to do this." He used his thumb to wipe away my tears.
"Then I'll wait for you." I laughed again and shook my head. He was making this so hard.
"No Jason. Continue with the restaurant and if you find someone new then pursue it. I don't know how long it's going to take me to sort things out. I refuse to hold you back." He shook his head, his eyes already saying so much.
"Karmen..." I shook my head and took a step back.
" I love you, Jason and I don't regret anything that's happened with you this year, but I have to do this. For me. " Before he could say anything else, I left the room. I stood outside the door getting myself together before I went downstairs to see my cousin. Who knew that the tears that I cried today, wouldn't be for my mother, but for me.