Avoid

Chapter 49

My heart felt like I'd been stabbed a thousand times over. I cried so much I didn't know my body was capable of creating so many tears.
I pretty much had no choice but to text Hayley asking if I could stay at her dorm. She didn't ask why which I was grateful for she just text me the address.
I walked and walked until I finally arrived I stood staring at the door still in shock. Eventually I knocked on the door and as soon as she opened it she pulled me into a hug.. I sobbed into her shoulder.
When I lifted my head I saw Joe sat on the sofa with his feet up?? Hayley followed my gaze.
"This is Joe he just moved into our dorm a week or so ago. Come with me."
I didn't tell her I know him and he didn't say anything either. I think he was just respecting that I needed space since I was so upset.
"We have a small spare room you can stay in. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No thank you. Can I just sleep please?"
"Yeah of course just give me a shout if you need anything."

When she left my mind wondered off to random times of us..
The times at the beach when he spun me round and chased me into the water. When I buried him in the sand and kissed his beautiful face, while I listened to his laughter.
He'd always make me smile calling me strawberry Lace when I wore red.
I could picture how he always made his way through the crowd at the club looking incredibly gorgeous, his blue blazing eyes locking on mine.. the way he started dancing making his way over to me, his every move had me gripped and the way he kissed me on the dance floor and how we got lost in the music.
The times I'd scream his name when I saw a spider in my room running through our dorm to find him. I'd throw myself at him and he caught me every time and laugh when I told him about the spider. He'd always say 'It will be more scared of you ya weirdo.' But he'd move it and put it outside well apart from once when he put it on his naked chest.. it ran around his torso and I went crazy shit at him.
My mind drifted...
His beautiful naked body laid on his tummy ... the desire in his sexy eyes as he stared into mine grabbing my legs sliding my body down the sheets, pulling me down to his mouth.
I hugged the pillow trying to shake all thoughts of him away. I genuinely thought every misshaped piece fit perfectly but more fool me. I wonder if when he was with them if he called their name out, like he did mine. I need to stop thinking about him!

My thoughts were cutting deep..
Teo, my only weirdo: No one else can fix me Lacey, only you. I won't give up on us!

After that text I changed his name on my phone to 'Avoid' reminding myself to not to fall for it.

I cried for weeks he'd send me messages all the time, everyday, he still didn't know where I was staying. I was thankful that Joe hadn't told him. I did wonder why he hadn't since he was mates with him.
I would meet with Lisa and she would tell me how Mateo was. It was never good to hear. My heart ached. I just didn't want to feel this pain no more.

My maths teacher gave me a letter one afternoon, Teo must have passed this on to him it was a note from him.

'I was lost in the dark and you brought me into the light...
Sometimes I was lost in the sea, then I'd hear your voice and it carried me...
I saw the stars in your eyes, when you were nearly there... to meet me..
With my arms around you, there was no reason to care...
I thought the day would never come...
I'd never feel what it would be like to be loved unconditionally..
The memories of being here with you..
Is one I'm going to take through life..
There's no comfort from any other face..
I lost my way again..
But this time I know where I'm heading..
I'm going to fix this...
I'm going to show you how sorry I am..
I'm going to show you how much I love you..'

Every so often I would check his Instagram. He still had pictures of me and him on there.
Today he put a picture of a new tattoo..
It was right next to his clock with the dates on.. I looked closely then saw the small keyring.. he had 'our' keyring put on on him with a date on it which I couldn't see.
Every so often he's send me pictures of his sketches. I did love to see them I loved his work... but I'd never acknowledge that I had.
    I wanted all this to be a nightmare and for him to still be my only, but it wasn't he'd broken my heart.

Week by week it hurt a little less.. I missed him but I couldn't put myself through this heart ache again. I'd lost so much weight, funny thing was I did nothing but comfort eat.. but it never stayed down. One day Joe saw me run to the toilet to be sick.
He made me some toast.. and brought me cups of tea to my room. He never really said much to me just did little things like this. He never asked about me and Mateo.
One evening I sat eating my chocolate thinking I'll find a way to dance without you. I wasn't going to cry no more tears, I was going to sing louder.
I needed to snap out of this cycle.
No more. No more sadness and heartbreak.
I just had to avoid him, I needed to get through this before I ever saw him again or I'd know my eyes would give me away...