Just Say No... To Abusive Dudes On Wattpad!

Why, oh, why do Wattpad girls put up with abuse?

I'm rather new to Wattpad, but I've been reading voraciously since... forever. I'll never forget that time I checked out The Boxcar Children in second grade and accidentally kept it for an entire summer. It really was an accident! I read it every single day. And the school librarian very kindly forgave me when I returned it next fall.

But my point is, I've been reading a long, long time. And I've read tons of books in a ridiculous amount of genres: fantasy, mystery, paranormal, non-fiction, biographies, memoirs, young adult, Oprah books, literary fiction... and romance. Probably romance the most. Historical, paranormal, contemporary, YA, romantic suspense, and more I can't even think of at the moment.

And what really, really always bothers me is when characters cross the line, and the "love interest" takes them back so easily. Now, I'm not just talking about guys. Girls can cross the line too. BUT in most books, it really seems to be the dude. And they don't just tiptoe across the line. No. They catapult across the line. BIG TIME!

Now, you may ask, what is the line?

Well, of course, any physical abuse is absolutely a no. Goodbye. Dude, you need professional help. I'm not an expert. So I can't speak to what professional help may or may not do for someone. But one thing I have learned is that most abusers were abused themselves. And that's just plain sad. The whole thing is sad. The cycle of abuse. And my heart goes out to them that that's all they know.

But to reiterate, that's not some poor mate's problem to fix. We can't fix it. I don't know what can. But please, for your own sake, don't try to fix it. WALK AWAY! RUN AWAY! Get help for yourself if you need to in order to get out of the situation!

Now, let's move on to what I'm really trying to get at here and see allllll the freaking time on Wattpad. And that is abuse of a different kind. A dude losing his temper in an unacceptable way. A dude calling his supposed love interest awful names. A dude screwing around on a girl.

I get it. We're all human. We all make mistakes. We're all flawed in some way.

But, dude! If you call me a bitch EVER, we're done. DONE! If you call me stupid, if you call me dumb, if you call me any other name, DONE! Over! There is no coming back from that!

If you punch a hole in a wall in front of me, if you beat down some other guy that dares look at me, if you throw stuff around in a fit of rage, we are done!

This is not hot. This is not sexy. This just plain sucks.

And it is an absolute deal-breaker.

No apology is ever going to fix it. You can cry. You can beg. You can grovel until the end of time.

But nope. Not gonna happen. You ain't ever getting back with me!

You see, my mama taught me how to fight fair. She said two people together will always have arguments, disagreements, etc. And as someone who's been married a long time, I definitely concur.

My mama said if two people don't have disagreements, then that's a problem too. That means someone is always giving in to the other. And that's just not right either. There is no way on this planet that two people will always agree with each other one-hundred percent of the time. Nope.

So... the key is to fight fair. No name calling, no punching walls, no throwing stuff. Sounds easy to just write about it.

But I've lived it. I found someone who's like that. I also witnessed it growing up. I know I'm very fortunate. Not everyone grows up with stellar parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. And I'm so sorry about that. I wish everyone could.

Now in some books, the dude is like this because he went through some awful, terrible event and he's suffering because of it. I get that. Believe me, I've been through some suffering, and so has my family. I'm talking war, suicide, drug overdoses, you name it.

But when we're writing these books, can we just draw our own lines? Can we be creative enough to make flawed characters that have been through terrible life events that aren't abusive in some way? Or if they are, can they get the professional help they so desperately need? And not get the girl back with just an apology?

I don't know the answer. Really. I don't.

All I know is that I'm tired of reading about guys getting away with such terrible abuses towards girls by just apologizing.

I'm thinking about the young girls that read these books. I'm not a young, impressionable girl anymore. I found my guy, my life partner, and he's a good guy. (Even so, he can still drive me crazy, lol!)

But I think about my daughter reading these someday. And I hope with all my heart that young girls reading these books don't think this is normal.

This is not how most guys act! And if they do, well then, bye-bye. For good. For good!

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Thanks for reading my rant! I'm hoping this little essay can serve as a way to lift up authors who write about decent guys. They don't have to be perfect of course. And I don't want to call any writers out that do the above things. I'm not here to bring anyone down!

But if you know of an author who writes compelling decent guy characters that you'd like to point out, please feel free to do so! 

And cheers to the good guys out there! I promise you they really do exist!!

And please feel free to share your thoughts! I'd love to know if I'm the only one who feels this way!