Magnus Archives Oneshot stuff

Statement of Cecil Palmer☆ Magnus archives/Nightvale crossover

"In summer the days grow longer. In winter the days grow shorter. Sometimes, the days grow wider. We have no way of knowing when. Welcome to Nightvale "

A/N I literally can't write anything after that bc my brain needs a break to play the music :/

   "So, listeners, Carlos and I finally went on that date we'd been planning for a while. Yay! Last night we went to the Nightvale (new) Old Opera House to see their production of 'Screaming Cat in a Box', y'know, the one where they place a cat in an open cardboard box and it screams for hours without stopping? It's one of my favorites, though I'm not sure it counts as 'opera'. I'm not even sure I know what 'opera' is. I don't think the cat did either, but it was very cute. At one point the cat actually got out of the box and started roaming around the stage, still screaming, at which point tall figures clad in black (who I assumed to be stagehands) rushed onto the stage towards it and the curtains closed as a panicked sounding voice called for intermission 'Uh, nothing to worry about here folks!',the voice said,'You should all go to the bathroom! Um,right now!'. So, yeah I'd say it went pretty well! We even got to meet the cat afterwards! Khoshek wasn't too happy about it when we got home, though. But, enough about me.
       "Mayor Dana Cardinal recently made a statement about the new cloaked figures that have been cowering away from the light and hiding in dark alleyways all over town. 'At first I was worried that the hooded figures had left the dog park again, but no! These hooded figures are completely different than the ones in the dog park. First off, they aren't actually mysterious figures! Just people who wear cloaks! And even though they worship an eldritch being that is the equivalent to an incarnation of darkness itself instead of bloodstones, they seem like nice people!', Mayor Cardinal said in a press  conference, 'I think we should all keep an open mind to other people, even if they don't share our beliefs!' Well said! Even though I personally prefer bloodstone sacrifices, everyone should worship whatever eldritch abomination makes them feel good!
     

     "Dear listeners, a new door has appeared in the wall of the station recording booth. As you may recall, the last time that doors started appearing where there was once not a door were the doors that led to the desert otherworld inside of the dog park that appeared when Nightvale began its revolt against Strexcorp, but- . . those doors were oak! This one is yellow and it- Oh! Oh-uh- listeners, the door seems to be opening!"
   "--Michael, this isn't funny! Where are you takin-- . . ."
                                    " . . . "

   "Um, hello! Listeners, a relatively tall man with long,dark hair has come through the door and is now in my studio! He seems to have a british accent from what I can tell, and he is covered with different kinds of scars and- Oh! The door has disappeared!"
    "Michael-! Damn it! Where am I? Who are you?"
    "Well, I'm Cecil, the Voice of Nightvale, and you're in the Nightvale radio station! May I ask who you are?"
    "Jonathan Simms, head archivist of The Magnus Institute. Now a much more important question  . . . What are you?"
    "Woah, sorry about that static in the broadcast there, we seem to be having some technical difficulties--"
        "Wait how did you-"
"--In the meantime,listeners I must take you  .  .  .  to the Weather."

A/N this song makes me think of Gertrude :I

   "Listeners, I have been talking with Jonathan for a while and it turns out he is, in fact, one of our friends from across the pond! And of course, by 'pond'  mean the thousands of miles long pit of undiscovered horrors that hide where our lungs do not let us travel that we like to call the 'ocean'. Now, the only british person I've ever met in Nightvale was a friend of mine who was a doctor, but he stopped visiting when they outlawed time travel, and I don't think anyone has told him that it's been re-legalized yet sooooo. Oh! Are vampires still a thing there?"
  " Technically, yes, but I really do need to ask you-"
   " Oh and about the place you said you worked at, oh, what was the name--"
   "--The Magnus Institute."
   "Yes, of course, The Magnus Institute! That sounds very interesting! Now what is it that you do at the Magnus Institute?"
   "We record and investigate anything seemingly supernatural that we believe to be anything more than the ravings of a lunatic. Of course, most of the statements we are given are just that. Although the 'real' ones seem to have an . . . adverse effect on any attempt to record them digitally."
   "Oh! Is that why you have that tape recorder with you?"
   "Wait, what?"
   "The tape recorder. It's been going this whole time, I assumed it was yours?"
   "Well, I didn't bring it, but I suppose it followed me here."
   "Ugh, don't you hate it when that happens? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, but sometimes it feels like it follows me around, y'know?"
   "Yeah, I know the feeling. Probably better than anyone. Now back to my question. I see you. You're not human. What are you?"
   "Well, there's no need to be rude about it. And when you think about it, are any of us really human? What does it even mean to be human? To be honest, I don't really think any of us know! We are all just living our lives day by day trying to figure ourselves out. Does the fact we don't yet have the answer make us any less human? Were we ever human to begin with? These are questions I don't think that any of us are in a position to answer. Nor will we ever be in a position to answer! And speaking of questions that need answering, Traffic!
   "A woman wanders through a field of wheat. She desperately searches for any sign of the highway she came from. That she wishes to return to with every fiber of her being. There is none. She cries out in anguish, questioning why. The field does not respond. The is no highway. Only the vast expanse of a field that stands as a reminder that we are never far from being consumed by that which we do not understand. The highway is not there. But she can still hear the sound of far off cars, beckoning her to indulge herself in the comfort of familiarity. This has been, Traffic.
    "Listeners, Jonathan left the recording booth for a quick bathroom break, and I forgot to warn him about Khoshek,so-, ah, yes, there it is. If you don't know about it in advance it can be pretty alarming to see a floating cat in the bathroom so I'm not really surprised he screamed. But I guess I'll take this opportunity to talk about him while he isn't in the room. He seems nice enough! I wonder if Carlos would have any interest in the archives Jon works at. But, I mean, we still don't really know how he got here, or how he plans on getting home! Jon said he would call one of his colleagues and see if they could get him home somehow? Jon said that he 'seriously doubts Michael is as keen on getting him home as he was on getting him here'. Now, I don't know who Michael is, but it is very rude to leave a friend alone in an unfamiliar place! Doesn't seem like he's every good friend . . ."
   " . . .There is a floating cat in your bathroom."
   "Yup! That's Khoshek! And, he didn't scratch you! He must like you."
   " . . . I'm a cat person."
                      
                                *ringing*
   "Oh, it's Martin. Martin?"
   "Jon?! Where are you? Are you okay?!"
   "I'm fine, Martin, I--"
   "Oh my God I was so worried you told me you were going to talk to Michael, and then-, then he-he comes to the archives and he's laughing and asking if we knew where you were and I-, I just--"
   "Martin, calm down, I'm fine. Just breathe."
   "I know, I'm sorry, I just-. I was worried, okay?"
   "Well, thank you, Martin."
   "Where are you anyway??"
   "America, apparently. A small town in the desert called Nightvale."
   "America?! Do you have any way of getting back?"
   " Unfortunately for me, no. Although I'm not sure I want to leave just yet. I can see why Michael brought me here."
   " Why, is something wrong?"
   " . . . A lot of things are . . .weird."
   "Okay . . .?"
   " Actually Martin I think you should probably get here as quickly as possible."
   "Why?"
   " This place is very intriguing, you'll want to see this and I think it might be harder for Elias to watch us if we're out here. Also, . . . I thought it might be . . .nice. To,um, . . . Get away from the office for a while."
   "Jon, are you- . . . are you asking me on holiday?"
   "I . . . suppose I am."
   "Okay then. I will see if Michael will get me over there as well. Oh! And I'll bring your passport in case we need them to get home."
   "Okay. See you soon."
   "See you."     *click*
   "Okay, I didn't want to interrupt, but that was sooo cute! You two sound like an adorable couple!--"
   "What? No, it's not li-"
   "You two should totally have dinner with me and Carlos sometime! That would be so fun!!"
   "I suppose that would be fine, but its really no-"
   "Great! We'll have to wait until he gets here obviously, but once he does we'll set a date! Oh, and speaking of dates; the Nightvale social calendar:
    This Sunday, a moment of silence. Any Nightvale citizen who makes any noise will be silenced. Forcefully. Although, because of the . . . ahem, relationship between City Council and Station Management, the radio will still be broadcast as usual.
On Monday, the Nightvale Tennis Club's monthly ice cream social at Big Rico's Pizza. Those who are not members of the Nightvale Tennis Club will be shot on site.
On Tuesday we celebrate the anniversary of something! We're not sure what exactly, but we're celebrating!
Wednesday, be sure to check the expiration dates of everything in your fridge! God help the poor fool who doesn't.
Thursday, Nothing is happening. Absolutely Nothing. Don't go looking for something that is happening! You will find Nothing.
Friday is Funky Hat Day! Be sure to wear your silly caps!
On Saturday, John Peters, you know,the farmer, is hosting a farmer's market in downtown Nightvale! Fresh strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries! Yum!"
  "Listeners, today has been a very interesting day, and in the very best way!This whole business with The Magnus Institute seems really neat, I made a new friend, and I cannot wait to tell Carlos about the double date! I directed Jon to the nearest hotel, and he headed off into the night, completely unbothered by the fact it was too dark to see much of anything, other than the moon hanging in the night sky. An eye watching all of us. It's intent is unknown, but for now, at least, we are safe.
                    Goodnight, Nightvale.

                               Goodnight."

A/N Part 2?👀