Demi
"Hey it's Wilmer-"
"AND DEMI!"
"Sorry we couldn't answer your phone call,"
"But leave ya name and number so we can call you back!"
"Adios."
I let out a sob as our voices came through the phone. Our greeting for our answering machine. It was one of the thing I had been really excited about when we moved in together. But now, it was over, and this, along with his voicemails were all I had left of him.
I loved him more than anything in the world. He was the one thing in my world that had structure, and stability. He made me feel safe, loved, and protected. Now? I'm alone, I have nobody, and I've never felt more vulnerable. It's been months, but I still can't the image of him walking out of the door our of my head. It replays while I'm trying to fall asleep, in the same bed we bought together. The same bed we laughed in, cried in, fought in, and made love in. I was always reminded of the mistakes we both made, but also the love we shared for each other; I couldn't tell which one hurt the most.
~*~
"Hola Hermosa, just seeing how your days was going. I've been so busy with all of the filming that I forgot to call you last night, and I know you might be a little sad but I'm sorry. I love you with all my heart mi amor."
"Demi, just wondering what you wanted me to pick up for dinner? Call me back baby. Te amo."
"Hey Dems, I just landed in Texas. I know you're probably back to sleep but I just wanted to remind you that I love you. I know it's hard, the traveling. But we'll figure it out. Sweet dreams. Adios."
"Baby I just got home... Where are you? I miss you and wanna kiss you so bad. Call me! Love you!"
I was laying in the fetal position on my bed, phone pressed tightly to my ear as I listened to his voicemails for the thousandth time. In every single one he told me that he loved me, and every single time a fresh wave of tears came. It was supposed to e exposure therapy, but all it did was drive me deeper into this obsessive depression I was living through.
~*~
I was trying to get my mind off of him, by cleaning the house. It probably wasn't the brightest idea, because I kept coming across a bunch of his old things that I knew he would want back. I turned on the radio and immediately froze, tears coming to my eyes yet again.
Give me love, like her.
Cause lately I've been waking up alone.
Paint splattered tear drops on my shirt.
Told you I'd let them go.
And that I'll find my corner, maybe tonight I'll call you.
After my blood, has turned into alcohol.
No I just wanna hold ya.
Give a little time to me, burn this out.
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around.
All I want is the taste that your lips allow..
On mine, on mine. On mine-
I abruptly slammed the button on the radio to turn it off, leaning against the wall and sliding down to the floor. It was our song. We danced to that song in the middle of the living room so many times. Every time it came on the radio while we were together he would grab my waist, pull me close, and hum along in my ear as we swayed side to side. He promised me that we would dance to that song on our wedding day. I looked up at the ceiling, wishing that some how the answer to my problems would be hanging there. I wanted him back, but there was no way that was happening. I wanted to stop the heartbreak, to stop feeling sorry for myself. He's gone, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
~*~
January 10th- My love.
I shut my eyes quickly and scrolled past the date on my phone. Our anniversary. I had been planning through my appearances and my manager asked if I was free that day. Of course I was, but there was no way I would be spending that day doing an interview with the media. I wouldn't be able to handle being around people that day. I guess I should eventually let it go, because since there's no more him, there's no more anniversary. I was so annoyed with myself, my thoughts of him weren't going away, but getting stronger and stronger. He was laced in my veins like a drug I had yet to stop taking hits of. Every time I scrolled through my camera roll, I was hit with the high, and every time I laid in bed, cold and alone, I felt my withdrawal symptoms.
~*~
All I wanted was a life with him. I saw strangers on the street that had his smile and weirded them out as I stared at them. One guy even asked me for my number as I searched his eyes that mimicked Wilmer's. I was always imagining what our kids would have looked like, or what our wedding would be like. I imagined him in a grey suit, smiling with absolute adoration in his eyes while he watched me walk down the isle. I pictured us growing old together, and conquering the world as we did so.
But all that was gone, he took everything with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Twitter:@Lovatic_Chica
-Rachel
