incandescent ²

04. starlight

arden

the comet's starting. i've never understood the difference between meteor showers, and shooting stars, and comets, but there apparently is a difference, and the worst part is, i will never find that out. even if i do, i won't remember it.

it's still a bit far off, but i can already see the trails of dust and ice - though i'd call it stardust and moonice because i'm trying to sound poetic. it's pretty, but not as pretty as the girl in running bottoms sitting next to me.

come to think of it, i don't know anyone who would appreciate this enough to stay up and watch it. i didn't even know her, but i'm glad i ran into her tonight. though not exactly happy with the situation i found her in. i can't help but wonder how much that happens. she won't talk to me; i don't expect her to, but i'm only trying to help.

"ren," i start. "what's your favorite celestial body?"

she arches a brow, not turning her attention away from the sky above us. "stars, maybe? i don't have a favorite. i like them all. they're so heavenly, it's hard to choose."

"can you identify constellations and tell them apart?"

she nods. "i'm sort of studying astrology at the moment. y'know, to get ahead of my would be class if i didn't have a death sentence."

i nod absentmindedly.

it's one of those times where i'd rather think about how to make the most of my teenage years than make social contact with anyone. usually, when this happens, i lock myself up in my room and listen to twenty one pilots on the highest volume. now, i'm in no place to.

maybe ren won't mind the depressing lyrics that help me keep my sanity.

"what school do you go to?" she asks, her eyes still on the celestial star ball that's hurdling towards earth at a frightening speed.

"does it matter?" i say. "the school i go to has nothing to do with who i am. it's not a representation of my being, and so, i refuse to answer that."

she nods. "that's okay. i get it."

after a few minutes of silence, the comet's almost "right above" us. i turn to her. "will you let me walk you home?"

something flashes in her eyes. her expression is a mix of terror and relaxation and she tenses up. "yes?" her voice is small. "i don't know. walking home alone is something i'm used to. i know how to stay safe."

a small sound escapes my lips. "sure didn't look like it back there." i catch myself before i can say anything else.

she purses her lips and her brows furrow like she's deep in thought, but i can't tell because i've only known her for about an hour. "you know, rape sucks. like, really sucks. i want to eradicate it, but how?" she snaps her head in my direction, her hair bouncing with every exaggerated head movement.

i give a small shrug. "cut off everyone's d and sew the vag sealed. that's a very foolproof plan. name one loophole or limitation. i'll wait."

she laughs. it's a chuckle that echoes around us, and brings a smile to my lips. she seems very delicate, but i don't think i have the right to say that. she might punch me and bury me in the sand.

"yeah, but how'll we get everything done? unless it's done at birth, there's no solution. i can't tell if it's society's problem at this point, i just don't get it. why traumatize a person for literally no benefit? sex isn't even that fun!"

i choke on my saliva. "on la contraire, mademoiselle," i pause to think my next words over. "actually, you're right. sex is a scam, really. a three minute illusion of pleasure and pain, then everything's back to normal and you're regretting every decision you've ever made leading up to that point in time."

she nods like she understands. "maybe god gave some people a higher sex drive than they can handle. i can't think of anything else. they don't even know if the victim has something, like herpes or chlamydia, they just want the smashy mashy."

"the smash bang, thank you, ma'am? it's an interesting concept. sex, i mean. everyone expects me to be that stereotypical jock bad boy or golden student, but all i really am is a shallow wallflower who just happens to be able to shoot hoops. apparently, i'm hot and should be up and about smashing ten girls a week, but i really don't see it. think i might be ace or something, but i'm within the aspec spectrum. i don't know why i'm telling you this."

"it's nice. i like the way you sound. like, your voice? it's very velvety to the ears. and really sweet. it's sounds like i'm describing cake or something." she lets her head drop. she's looking at the grassy dirt beneath her now. "what's it like having anterograde amnesia? you don't have to tell me, though."

"it's not a big deal. i just can't make memories anymore. i remember old stuff, but i can't remember yesterday's events or anything like that. it's a miracle how i ace exams. it's a letdown that i won't be able to remember you. you seem worth remembering."

she tilts her head to the side, letting it drop onto her shoulder. "being alive hurts. i might not be here for much longer, so i'm not exactly worth remembering. forgetting me might do you more good that trying not to."

"what'd you say you have, again?"

"osteosarcoma. bone cancer. stage three."

"can we talk about it? i want to help."

she sighs. "there's no helping it. i've accepted my fate already. i was diagnosed way earlier; it's a wonder how i'm still here now. that's why i don't want you to bother with me. i'll be gone before you know it."

·-·
a/n

short chapter, sorry. i don't want to stretch this out, but pacing matters and i can't just make them click because that's unrealistic, and i don't write unrealistic things. i'm also sleep deprived, so please ignore any grammatical errors <3
they've clicked enough, don't you think?

have a stellar day!✨