Illinois's Journal

December 13th, 1818

     Well, I guess that I'm a state now. I may only be sixteen, but I know what my future responsibility is. I still hold onto my past and what happened before I left, but I'm getting over it. Why can't I just tell someone? At least I don't need to be afraid of anyone anymore.
     I still wonder why I'm so scared. Really, I shouldn't be afraid of anyone anymore. It's not the first time I've run away, but I can't get over what happened that first time. The way I was treated, I just can't see past anyone's exterior anymore. I'm afraid of everyone now, even if I know them.
     It's just reflex if you're afraid, but I need to get over it. Even though he let me go after abusing me, I'm still terrified. I still hear his voice every time I think of it. "Open your eyes, don't be afraid of me. Don't worry. I won't hurt you."
     They were all lies, of course. Why else would he talk to me so gently? I can't let those memories get to me anymore. It's all over, and I just need to get over it. Only a few minutes until I leave, so I must go.
                                                         -Illinois