Describing Depression

Discribing 1

You can't explain the pain in heart is the exiety that is overwhelming my heart.

I can't define your normal because is not mine.

What makes me happy is my define normality.

What's wrong with living my life the way I want.

I'm just trying to get trough life because I only have one.

Running in the middle of night, having fun with friends that I can love and trust.

I don't want to worry about anything around me and live in my bubble all night.

Falling asleep around the arms that sweard that will truly love me .

Being in a chaotic classroom everyday is the best thing I can have.

Having a healthy morning routine and not worry about my body .

Have shit of tones of friends messageing me about every shit and tell me "Good morning " .

This are some of the things that are defining my normality!

This are the things that make me happy!

You can judge me how much you want but I'll once in my life won't care about it because I'll be in my place!

You tell me to stop thinking about everyone actions around me and stop noticing so much around me but I cannot help it cause I'm not u , that's the way I am , a very sensitive person
with a broken smile.

I just can't smile anymore!

You ask me "what's wrong " but you mom well know , and for other people is wrong to be sad but sadness is a emotion which it should not be ignored!

How I am supposed to explain you what the fuck is wrong when you surly won't understand a word because is obviously you never felt like me because you are not me !

You have a different life with a different past a different normality!

Don't judge someone who doesn't want to talk about their life because it might be painful for them which you don't understand!

Sometimes I don't even understand myself, my own emotions, my own thoughts!

So what the hell I'm supposed to do , just cry my ass and apologise for something I didn't do and blame myself because I'm a mess because of people like you!

Speaking is not my best skill because I didn't socialised for over 3 years and never in my life felt like I belong somewhere!

Loneliness drived me to insanity and isolation !

You thought quarantine is horrible because you cannot go out and have fun but I was so happy that I don't have to be forced anymore to deal with idiots anymore!

Quarantine was for me already a normality for years!

You think I'm just a spoiled brat who doesn't even know how to speak correctly but have you ever thought "Wait maybe she just doesn't like to talk about her life or give private and very sensitive information to strangers because even tho we are related u never called "Hey how are you?" or is just to painful and confused to find the right words for your god damn explanation "

You think I'm selfish that I want to trough a life in another country with more opportunities but in reality I just don't belong there !

Is just makes me sick everyday and more numb by every second I walk trough that hell school corridor !

Here at least I have hope that I'll be able to find my happy start !

And why I said happy start is because my story just started, is not an ending!

I can't call myself a 15 year old teenager because I feel like I'm a 20 year old who has to pay taxes and go to work! .