Right Now

It's okay to not be okay

hey everybodyyyyyyy (ignore my cheesy 5sos reference)

recently i've had a lot of friends on this app and friends irl tell me about their stories and struggles they are going through and a lot of them are considering ending their life or are turning to cutting as a result of feeling numb and i can't tell you how much this hurts my heart :(

so i've decided to be as brave as i can be, for all of them, for all of you, and tell you a bit about my story

i have always struggled with being social and with large amounts of stress and anxiety. i stress over everything and constantly have a headache. this may be surprising to a few people since i am very outgoing and love being social. but it's something i have struggled with and will always continue to work on until the day i die. i'm a very independent person and believe that most of my problems are under control and i can work through them. i hate the thought of burdening anyone else with my issues when theirs seem to be infinitely more important. let me pause right here to let you all know something:

YOUR PROBLEMS MATTER

YOUR ISSUES ARE REAL

YOU ARE IMPORTANT

now obviously we all work through different things and have other things going on, but please, i'm begging you, don't ever think you don't matter. because you do. you matter to me. you matter to the people who love you. and it's best to tell people about the things you are going through instead of burying it all and making up excuses in your head about how it doesn't matter, you can work through it, it'll be fine. 

tell somebody. anybody. tell your dog. tell your cat. tell your horse. tell your piano. tell your guitar. tell your fridge. tell your pizza. tell your bed. tell your trash can. idec but say it out loud, vent to something. it helps you feel better and allows you to release pent up energy. i'm not expecting you to read this and immediately go "she's right, i'm gunna be extremely open from now on" because that's just not realistic and i know that. i'm still working on being open. it takes time. but i know from personal experience that it makes things a whole lot easier and it's worth it to try :)

alright, back to what i was saying. now i've struggled with a wide variety of things, everybody has. but anxiety has always been a constant. and i used to be able to handle it. until a couple weeks ago.

it got so bad that i was having week long migraines, i wasn't sleeping at night or hardly at all, i was feeling naseous when i went to swim practice or work, i was having mental breakdowns and crying hysterically for hours with no end in sight. i felt pathetic. i felt like i should've been strong enough. i felt like i should've been able to fight through this. i felt so broken. 

i don't know how many of you can relate to any of this, or maybe you have gone through other things that were just as bad or even worse. maybe you're going through it right now. but i'm telling you this to show you that it's okay. in the words of the wise michael clifford, "it's okay to not be okay". and it is. we all have our moments. sometimes they are short. sometimes they seem to last forever. but they won't. and they don't.

there is an end. it will get better. i can't promise you that it will completely go away and you'll never have to feel this way again, but i can promise you that you won't have to live like this for the rest of your life. you are STRONG. you are POWERFUL. and you can make it through this

i decided to start seeing a counselor. oh my heck you have no idea how hard it is for me to even just say that. i'm not saying that seeing a counselor is a bad thing at all and i never viewed it that way. i have many friends who have gone through counseling and i think it's a wonderful program. my sister is a counselor. i just never thought that me, my independent, stubborn little self would ever need it. i thought my problems weren't big enough for that and i thought i could do it on my own. i've realized that i can't.

IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP

we all need it. we can push through and do it on our own. we are capable of doing it. but it's so much easier and much more enjoyable if we allow ourselves to receive help. we are able to have so much happiness and joy in our lives. we can learn and grow so much more. and we can help others along the way :D

if you need anything, ANYTHING, please tell someone. let someone help you. give yourself a break. life is freaking hard. we all know it. but it is worth living. you CAN do it. and there are so many things that can help you through it all. try to open up more. i'm here if you need anything and i'm sure there are thousands of other people here that are willing to help as well. there are coping strategies you can use as well. and if you ever feel like you can't do it anymore, list all the things you can think of that are reasons to stay. to keep going. you don't have to do this alone

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE STRONG

YOU ARE WORTH IT

AND I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH

please, if you see this, tag anyone you can think of who might need to see it >>>

we are a community on here. we all love each other. and i would really appreciate your help in trying to save some people from letting themselves drown <33

i also believe in the power of all my fellow wattpad users and know that if we blow this up, we could help a lot of people who desperately need it right now

if you have any ideas for what other chapters of this book should include, such as coping strategies or maybe you wanna share your story, please let me know!!

"you'll never feel like you're alone

i'll make this feel like home"

~Home, One Direction

IM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH YOU ARE ANGELS

*wraps you all up in the biggest hug*

don't forget to smile your gorgeous smile and tpwk <33

~belle xx