One Thousand Miles

I write this to my friends. To apologize for something you didn't know about. You all mean so much to me now. I may seem to let everything pass, going with the flow. This is my story. I don't tell it out loud. Please forgive for what I've hidden. It's taken me this long to write it down, let alone tell the story. Thank you for being here and staying with me, the stranger you didn't know. Helping me along without even knowing you were. Well, here it goes.

One thousand miles

I saw her mouth move

But the sound was lost

I saw her smile

But the only thought I had

Cry

That day, normal day

My world began slipping

Slipping as I grasp desperately

To hold on

Tears blurring my vision

With the words she spoke

Knowing the time would come

To say goodbye to all that I knew

Change

They laughed and cried

Hugs and cameras

Inside I could only watch

Leaving them

Breaking the only promise

I never thought I would

One thousand miles

Stares and glares

Unfamiliar faces

Unfriendly faces

No one tried to notice

No one tried to care

I sat in the back of that square

Only to watch

As they passed without a glance

New

I met you with laughter

The mask hiding the fear

You invited me without knowing

Who I could be

What could happen

I knew you were trust worthy

I saw what new world was ahead

But still couldn't let go

The world I had loved was gone

And here a new one formed

The old not forgotten

This can't be home for me

My heart is still there far from me

Laughter, smiles, acceptance

Love can heal

You have pulled my world

Together piece by piece

But it's not complete

No one is completely in

I try so hard to support

To laugh

To feel

I run so fast when someone nears

My heart hiding

Away from this world

You try

I love you dearly for that

I would not be alive without you

But I can only watch

Not feel

No complete emotions

I can't let them go

The ones I left behind

They always stay on my mind

The faces I saw as I left

Guilt pools

For the promise I broke

For not letting go

For holding on to you so tightly

Seeing their faces again

I hear my laugh

While inside I cry as I watch

Having to leave them again

Sometimes there is joy

You bring me joy

You let me forget

But with silence comes memories

I need someone there

Else my walls crumble

Alone

In a room full of people

You believe I'm fine

I've made the mask perfectly

Laughter hiding the sorrow inside

The perfect disguise

She tries

You try

I try

The wall keeping even me out

Hiding and running

Feelings of my heart stay frozen

My emotions of a different world locked one thousand miles away

For almost a year today