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It was Friday night. The night that Violet went to visit her Auntie Jackie and Uncle Martin and pissface and pussface. Violet had just got out of her car, an orange fiat 500, and Fergie had finished singing 'Fergalicious', when pussface and pissface pulled in to Martin and Jackie's driveway in pissface's car arguing. "For someone who doesn't stop going on about formula one, you're surprisingly shit at driving." Adam complains. "Ha ha" Jonny replies. An evening with these two, how shall I survive? They natter on until I finally intervene, "Pissface, pussface, happy Friday." They stop their conversation "Evening, shitface" they chorus. I roll my eyes. "Why's the door open?" Adam asks. We walk in, we spot Wilson - Martin and Jackie's neighbour Jim's dog - then Jim walks out of the loo. "Oh, hello!" he exclaims. "Uh.. hello Jim." Adam greets. "Jonny." Jim questions, I laugh. "It's Adam." pussface replies. Pissface chimes in "I'm Jonny" "Oh yes" Jim said - I don't even know why they remind him anymore he's never going to remember. Jesus Christ. "Why are you..." Adam began. "Hmm?" Jim interrupted. "Nothing" Adam replied. "Good boy, good boy Wilson." Jim said, "Bye" he exclaimed. "That wasn't strange." Adam sarcastically stated "Hi Mum" Jonny said "Hi" Adam also said "Hiya Jackie" I joined in, waving slightly. "Hi boys, hi Violet" Aunt Jackie replied. "What are you doing in the garage?" Jonny asks. "We're having a clear out." Jackie replies, I nod. "Don't you mean; 'what's Jim doing in out loo?'" Adam remarked. I hum in agreement. "Martin, you do know the kids are here?" Jackie prompts, "Say Hello." "What?" He questions, clearly confused,"Hello bambinos, bambina." "No top tonight?" Jonny asks. "He's boiling" Jackie replies. "I'm boiling." Martin also replies. "I think he might be boiling." I add, my voice laced with sarcasm. Then, completely ignoring that belter of a remark made by me - because let's face it it's probably the funniest thing I've said all week - Adam asks: "and Jim's using our toilet because?" "Oh, his is broken?" Jackie reveals. "Broken?" Jonny questions. "He broke it." She bluntly states. And then she turns to Martin; "No there." and points. "He broke it." Adam muses. "Do I dare ask how?" I deliberate. "How do I know? Anyway, he asked if he could use ours, what could I say?" Jackie says. "No." Adam ponders. "Use a bucket." Jonny examines (fancy verb time) "Buy some adult nappies." I consider. "This as well?" Martin asks. "Yes all of them." Jackie exclaims,"and then you're doing the sofabed." "and on that note I'm getting out of these heels." And then I left to take my cardi and heels off and put my Fila jumper and red converse on.
