These are the words I could not speak, yet my heart has been longing to say...
I Pray & Hope That God Will Let At Least One Human Being To Understand This ETERNITY-IN-ITSELF-OF-COMPLEXITY-OF-A-POEM
I am suffocating myself with my post traumatic stress, torment from my enemies, with their actions of hatred, words of disgust. I am sinking further into a limitless hole of regret, disgust, feelings of helplessness and humiliation— ultimate fear, at its utmost highest.
I can still feel their hands on me. Nothing has, or could ever feel so utterly WRONG. I blamed no one but myself. Although, I knew that I was innocent, the intrusive thoughts, the spirits of hell would watch me burn in agony. I believed myself to be an abomination unto my ancestors. The universe. God.
My stress when I wrote this was astronomical. High as Heaven itself.
I found this on my old family computer software hard drive. It was last updated in 2014 when I was 11 years of age. I am now 18.
(Written By An Angel named Grace)
"A N G U I S H"
(Draft 01)
She was alone, forever more. Everlasting darkness had captured her in the palms of its hands, and would ultimately obliterate every last segment of her psyche. Her mind was a filthy, dangerous universe, but- she was willing to admit the truth, at least. "This is the end." She trembled as she spat out those three syllables.
She could only drown, disintegrate in the ocean of predatory silence that attentively stared and observed her, as her heart waited... and waited. He had left her, in an unconscious state of which she would only pursue her fate to perish.
There was no one left standing.
Those last words he had whispered from those tantalizing, perfectly gentle lips had penetrated through her soul- razor-jagged. Piercing, suffocating, strangling her spirit, she had collapsed. Her eyes witnessed, and her tongue tasted- pure poison.
Unbelievable.
Appearances are mentally deceiving. A fake persona is brutally deceptive.
It killed her every time his face reappeared in her rapidly fading mind. Her frail stature had given up on bearing the blazing agony of his hatred.
What she had always believed to be the ultimate definition of impossible had become the truth. This naive nd innocent girl had been tormented and tortured mercilessly, endlessly.
But alas, that is precisely the Devil Himself's game- an endless torment of torture through deception, and falsehoods. (And the terrifying part is..... nobody ever realises what's been happening in their lives until it's too late.) Only fools fall for his game.
She had been foolish to grin at every word of what she had thought to be his affection- authentic, genuine, love. She had never been more fatally wounded and mistaken in her entire life existence.
But, he was unforgettable. She wanted him, desperately, terribly. But she knew she could never have him. The excruciating pain of losing, departing him deprived her of her every need.
She felt as if she was on fire, burning up in flames, demons licked her wounds, promising to soothe the tribulation of her heartache, but deceivingly only exemplified her agony. The pain she inflicted upon herself hurt so good. Terrifyingly good. She kept persisting. She simply did not know any other way. She could not stop herself.
She grew weaker, feebler by the second.
She could only lie on the frigid, cool floor and wait until the warm, scarlet-red pool trapping all her emotional pain would stop flowing from her bound and frozen wrists. Her body lay motionless, mutilated inside out.
Her veins never wanted to stop spilling, pouring out that hurt, that pain. There was an ever growing, staggering Eternity of AGONY, ongoing suffering- simply too much. They needed to release every last drop of her wretched woe and regret.
Oh, but it would surely be over soon, and she would be able to feel nothing. Aaahhhhhh... that addictively G O O D pain she had strived to discipline herself with, but had only imprisoned herself in, would be no more.
She would be able to let go of everything, forget and move forward to a new universe, out of the hopeless reality she had faced, alone. She merely, humbly wanted the reassurance of simplicity, peace.
She wistfully longed for a sweeter life, as she wept herself into a coma, praying desperately to be swept up and away into the protective, undefeatable arms of an angel and shifted...... transported upwards into the trustworthiness of serenity.
Heaven was too late. Heaven couldn't save her. It was far too late for them to apologize, for him to apologize, far too late to take every destructive move back. Just simply too late to rewind the clock of history.
Time had run out.
THE END.
