Valentine's Day at Gintama High School

Chapter 9: Breaking the Fourth Wall is a Gintama Specialty

A/N

I will uploading the last three chapters today and the next two days, so the official story will be completed this week! I am also planning to release a Character Reaction chapter just for fun afterwards, but it has no bearings to the actual plot haha. Enjoy the chapter!

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Ginpachi didn't stop to catch his breath until he literally made it outside of the building. He was constantly at risk of being arrested for having sexual relations with a minor, but he wasn't planning on getting arrested today, or any day for that matter. He breathed in the cool February air as he straightened up.

"What's got you running away like that? A ghost?"

Ginpachi turned to see Tsukuyo smoking her pipe, and he instantly smiled at the sight of her.

"Worse. A cat in heat," he answered.

Raising an eyebrow, Tsukuyo said, "I don't see how a cat could be worse than a ghost, but I've never been able to understand you any—G-Ginpachi?"

Ginpachi-sensei had suddenly wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he told her, "Just a second. Let me recharge. My HP gauge is almost empty from all that running."

Tsukuyo felt her face burn up, but refrained from flipping him over. Instead she slowly brought her hand up and began patting his back. "There, there. I'll make sure the scary cat doesn't get to you."

Ginpachi pulled away from her as he burst into laughter. "What are you gonna do if the cat comes? Throw some catnip to distract it?"

"W-what? Is there something wrong with what I said?"

Shaking his head, Ginpachi smiled and cupped her face. "No. Not at all."

He then leaned in closer to bring his lips to hers and—

"GINPACHI-SENSEI, NOOOOO!!!"

A shiver ran up Ginpachi's spine as he turned to see a disheveled Sarutobi in front of the entrance. He quickly grabbed Tsukuyo's wrist and made a run for it.

"Please make sure the scary cat doesn't get to me, Tsukki!"

"What are you—wait, you were talking about Sarutobi??" Tsukuyo exclaimed as she struggled to keep up with a frightened Ginpachi.

"LET GO OF MY DATE, YOU FOX!" Sarutobi screamed as she fiercely chased them.

"She's your date, Ginpachi?" Tsukuyo asked incredulously.

"WHAT?! Of course not! I'd never consider that crazy stalker! Especially now that I have you!"

Tsukuyo blushed profusely as she looked at Ginpachi. Thinking back on what she said, she came to an abrupt stop and turned to face Sarutobi. Ginpachi also stopped and looked back at Tsukuyo.

"What are you doing?!"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm stopping the cat in heat from getting to you," Tsukuyo answered, standing her ground.

Ginpachi continued to look at her with wide eyes as Sarutobi caught up to them. Sarutobi stopped in front of Tsukuyo and snarled, "Get out of the way, you side character!"

"You're the side character!" Ginpachi yelled from behind Tsukki.

Tsukki brought her hand up to stop Ginpachi and said to Sarutobi, "I don't care if I'm a side character or if I never show up at all, but if I'm going to be in the scene, I'm going to make sure I protect what's dear to me. Sarutobi, I'm sorry, but I can't let you go any further."

"Unrelated people shouldn't get involved between me and Ginpachi! He's supposed to be my mans!"

"I think Ginpachi can decide who his girl is, no?"

"He's just having a lapse of judgement because of your dirty seducing tricks! I know it!"

"D-dirty seducing tricks? I never did anything like that. Besides, you should know from experience that those don't work on Ginpachi."

"I-I just haven't used the right techniques! I still haven't *beep* or *beep* or—OW!" Sarutobi yelped when a hard object hit the back of her head.

Sarutobi looked down to see a fallen Jump volume before looking back to see a fuming Zenzou-sensei.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT HARASSING GINPACHI-SENSEI?"

"Back off, Hemorrhoids!"

Zenzou gasped and yelled, "At least say Mr. in front of it! The utter disrespect!"

Ginpachi smiled and waved to his fellow teacher. "Good timing, Zenzou! Now that you're here, Tsukki and I can play out GinTsukki while y'all play out ZenSachi! Perfect!"

"HELL NO!" Sarutobi and Zenzou screamed in unison.

"What? You two would be cute. Think about it, the scene goes like this...

Sarutobi: You and me? That's insane, right?

Zenzou: Yeah, that's crazy! Haha... Well, I should go make sure the other kids aren't killing each other or stuff like that, so...

Sarutobi: *grabs Zenzou's wrist* *blushes* I-I thought that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so crazy. Like as in... us... I don't know! I'm just spitting nonsense. Sorry for wasting your time. *turns away*

Zenzou: *grabs Sarutobi's wrist* I-I don't think it would be that impossible either.

Sarutobi: *smiles* You know, I admit that the chance of us happening is actually much more likely than the chance of me getting Ginpachi-sensei to even consider it at all.

Zenzou: So... does coffee on Saturday sound nice?

Sarutobi: Yeah, that sounds great.

Fin

... See! You guys are perfect!" Ginpachi exclaimed.

"What part of that was perfect?!" Zenzou snapped. "How the hell do two characters that hate each other end up falling in love two seconds after people tell them they look good together? That's just poor writing! Also, why am I just a backup plan for Sarutobi? Am I that pathetic?"

"Seriously!" Sarutobi cried out. "I mean it's true that Zenzou-sensei is pathetic, but that scene really is just poor writing! And—wait... isn't that from the original version of this Valentine's Day story? Is the author just recycling material?"

Ginpachi quickly shushed them and said, "Stop breaking the fourth wall. The readers need to feel immersed in this story, but they can't do that if we constantly remind them that this is just a fanfic."

A drop of sweat fell down the side of Tsukuyo's face, and she said, "Ginpachi, I think it's too late to say that now."

He simply shrugged before telling Zenzou, "Honestly, I don't really care what y'all do or don't do together. Just make sure Sarutobi is several miles away from me."

Zenzou sighed and replied, "I guess I can do that."

When Zenzou grabbed her arm, Sarutobi began smacking his arm with her free one. "Let go of me! I don't want your health conditions!"

"IT'S NOT CONTAGIOUS!" he shouted as he dragged her away.

"NoOooOOoo~"

"I have a weird feeling of deja vu," Ginpachi commented.

"Same..." Tsukuyo added. "Anyway, we should probably go back inside to supervise. We've been outside long enough."

Tsukuyo began walking towards the school but then jumped when she felt Ginpachi slip his hands into hers. He smiled down at her and said, "Why don't we play hooky? The stars are so nice out, and there are other teachers to watch over the kids. It can't hurt to be a little rebellious."

"B-But we're not supposed to—"

"Oh, come on. The kids will be fine. You should learn to let loose sometimes, you know?"

Tsukuyo shook her head as she tightened her grip around his fingers. "You truly are a bad influence, aren't you?"

Ginpachi laughed and replied, "The worst."