Life's Worth

LW- The Lost

Memories: it is both our greatest gift and our greatest curse. The true challenge is how we turn this curse into a gift. The things that we will have to over come to change this curs into a gift, will truly open our mind to what life has to offer to us.

I stood in the middle of the street, my feet burning in the heat of the ground beneath them. All these people walking past me, completely ignoring my presence as they were just looking at their phones. Their whole world is their phones; relationships, bonds, happiness, sadness, loneliness, love and hate, all trapped inside that tiny black box. I just stood amidst of the passing by crowd, like a rock in middle of a stream. The whole world felt like it was moving past me, and I was the only one stuck in time. I remember what it was like to be like them, every single day waking up with something to do, something to look forward for, something to be alive for. I remember what it felt like to have goals and dreams to live for. Now it's all gone, no more goals, no more dreams, nothing to look forward for, yet a selfish lonely homeless man in the middle of these burning streets, too selfish to let go of this worthless meaningless life. But I had to live on, if I do not, who else is going to keep her memory alive?

I could feel the heat of the road on my bare feet, the last pair of shoes I owned were completely worn out, and all I have now is my rucksack of a few clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste. I had to find a shade; my feet could not take the abusive heat these streets gave them. I finally found a shade to stand beneath. A TV store. They had giant glass display of these big TVs and each playing something on their screen. One caught my attention. It was a video of a few kids playing on a park. Tears rolled down my cheek. I remember that park, it is the same park I played with her, the same park where we ran around and rolled around on the grass trying to find out who was stronger. She was my world, she was my dream, my goal, my happiness. I remember the first day I held her little body on my arms, as she held my index finger with her whole tiny palms, and how my face was filled with tear the moment I held her tiny body. I have to live longer, I am the only one with her memory, I cannot let these memories of her die, ... I have to live on.

"Ah, there you are."

I heard his voice behind me. 'Oh, for fuck sake' I thought to myself.

"Watching TV, are we?"

He came and stood beside me, as I wiped off the tears from my face. Why does this guy keep following me?

"Ah, the TVs these days are huge man, I understand why you were crying, remembering the good old days huh? The last time I watched TV I had a beautiful girl in my arms, sitting on a couch, with a decent roof over my head, air conditioner and pair of Nike shoes. Its funny how all that goes away just like that huh? No more shoes, no more roof, air conditioner or girl by my side."

I just stood quite like I always do when he talks to me, I have never spoken to him, I can't remember the last time I spoke to anybody in the last few years, other than a few 'thank you' and 'fuck you' to some people I met in these streets.

"Oh hey, look at this news" he pointed at another TV on the display.

"This homeless dude, there was an old man on a wheel chair, and he lost control and fell into the train tracks, this homeless dude jumped in picked up the old guy and put him on the platform, and it was too late for the dude to get out of the track and ended up dying, saving the old man's life, by sacrificing his own. What a hero right? That's how I want to die someday."

'Right', I thought to myself. I am not laying down my life for anyone else, my life now has only one purpose, keep her memory alive, and nothing else. I am not going to give it up for anyone else.