Lord Day and Lady Night

39. The Perfect Disguise

The ravishingly handsome young man's hand clutched Amy's tightly and his sky-blue eyes gazed deeply into hers.

"Gagaga!" he exclaimed. "Want Teddy!"

Amy took a deep breath. "Ye can't 'ave yer Teddy right now, little squirt. We left it at 'ome."

The young man, heartbroken by the rejection, released a fragrant cloud of protest. "Want Teddy now!"

Someone is going ta pay for dis. Someone is going ta pay dearly! And I 'ave a good idea who...

"Well?" Sidling up to her, Lord Patrick Day sent her a beaming smile, a benevolent lord showing his concern for the help. "How is the vicar's new nanny doing?"

Amy sent him a gaze that probably should be outlawed as a dangerous weapon.

"I'm gonna get ye for dis."

"No doubt, Miss Amy. But after I get to watch you change diapers for an entire blissful evening."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Aren't ye supposed ta be some high and mighty lord? Don't ye 'ave better things ta do?"

"Sometimes, the simplest pleasures in life are the best," he shared his wisdom.

Amy glanced down at the tiny children in her arms, then back up at him. For a moment, she considered stuffing some of the simple pleasures contained in the babies' diapers in his face to check if that might change his opinion. But before she could, the sound of horse's hooves outside the carriage they all sat in cut off, and the coach came to a sudden stop.

"My Lords and Ladies?" the driver called. "We have arrived."

His Lordship extended an arm towards her. "Shall we go...oh, excuse me. Looks like you've got your hands full."

Using babies as projectiles is bad! Amy reminded herself. Using babies as projectiles is bad!

Unfortunately, she didn't have anything else to hurl at the bugger's head. She could just watch as the door was opened by the dutiful coachman, and Lord Patrick Day stepped out into the outside world as if it belonged to him.

"Don't be upset." Titus patted her shoulder. "He can be such a devious devil. Sometimes, even I am so scared of him that—owowowow! My finger! You can't bend it backwards like that!"

"Actually, I can," Amy helpfully explained. "I think I can bend it another three inches before it breaks. Maybe four. Wanna give it a try?"

"No! Nooooowowow! I don't! I definitely don't! Please, gentle lady, release me!"

"Release ye?" Amy smiled the smile she normally reserved for her most severely masochistic clients. "And why would I do dat after what ye've done?"

"Done?" He blinked up at her, the image of injured purity. "I haven't done anything. I'm as innocent as a newborn babe!"

The "innocent babes" in Amy's arms chose this prime opportunity to deposit some more fragrant essence into their diapers.

"Do ye think I'm stupid? Do ye think I don't know who really came up with this?" She held up the two babies like two bombs that were going to go off any moment, glaring out from under her demure, and coincidentally horrendously ugly, white nanny headdress. "Dat bloody knight in shiny armor called Patrick would rather fall on 'is own damn sword dan think up something so devious!"

"Now, now, I've known him for quite a while, he has done quite a number of devious things..."

"Like what?" Amy challenged.

Titus scratched his chin. "Um...stealing a biscuit from a biscuit jar when he was five?"

"And what 'appened next day?"