What is Real?

How it Started.

My story starts out normal. I grew up in a small town in the North Shore of Illinois. I went to Green Prairie middle school and learned to play the violin. It was through music where i was different then most of my classmates. Forest Lake is known for the rich families and the snotty kids who lived there. I liked to think of my self as a better person. I was mostly polite, I rarely asked anything of my parents and I went to school because I loved to learn.

My dad taught me to step with my best foot forward. But in my last year of middle school I taught myself something even more important, step with your best foot second so they don't expect anything until they are already beaten. Sounds kind of cut throat, but middle school is a battle field and the less everyone knows about you, the less they can use against you.

I admired my orchestra teacher in middle school, I still hold her responsible to this day with saving me from myself. In high school I continued to strengthen my love for music. I ended up going to a small college, In college, I got a degree in music theory and continued to take classes in random things I was interested in. I ended up moving to the city of Chicago where I got job as a piano and violin teacher.

I guess, looking back it all sounds so normal. You may not believe me, but I will garentee you my mind was a mess. From about 7th grade, I began to feel depressed, anxious and socially awkward. I guess my taste in music from heavy metal to Mozart wasn't the most appealing to my friends. When you add a love for reading, history and creative writing on top of that, you become anything but popular.

In high school, it was a lot easier to slip by unnoticed. Don't get me wrong I had my group of friends, we weren't really outcasts, but we were to group of kids that didn't fit in anywhere else. They knew nothing about my mind, about my thoughts. I felt like I was hanging over a cliff by a single black thread, that any movement in the wrong direction would result in me falling over the edge into what I have began to refer to the dark abyss of self hatred and depression. I was terrified when speaking in front of the class, to make things worse, because I read so fast, i talked too fast, and people would stare a i nervously talked a million miles an hour. I could not get to my seat fast enough.

College to me meant freedom, and although i still had no idea what I wanted to do as a profession I enjoyed most of it. My definition of college changed drastically when I graduated. Freedom turned to chains, as I stayed tethered to mountains of student debt. At 21, I was working for just above minimum wage at a store in the mall. I shared an apartment with a good friend.

I felt music slipping away from me, I was too broke to buy a piano, and too busy to pick up my violin except for weekends. Where my angry neighbors yelled that if they wanted music they would of moved next to the concert hall.

This is where my story starts.

Hello.

My name is Alice.

I have learned to accept my past.

I'm here to tell you my story, its not always a nice one.

But its mine,