I never thought I would make it. I never thought I would go through so much to escape. Fear was all I knew that day. Did I make the right choice? Abandoning the ones I knew to something so unpredictable? I dont know. I dont know, and the god up there would refuse to answer that question for me.
I had lived my life questioning the very purpose I had on being put in such a world. Of course this very thought never occurred to me until I had entered the most troubling stage of youth. As a child you dont burden yourself with the many questions of the universe with a logically adapted mind. You only seek what pleases you, such as an imaginary friend or the monster that lurks under your bed. These creations take hold of your imagination, keeping your young mind from finding the true terrors that lay before you. Happiness was found in youth; that happiness is pushed further away as you go through the journey we all call life.
Shifting from that happiness is the most difficult. We dont want to let go of what was so.....perfect. Now we are burdened with information being shoved into our brains for as long as we can handle it. Those who can are able to achieve happiness, saying they weren't forced into a task they weren't happy with. Those who dont never take the chance to see what possibilities life can grant them. I wish I knew this. I wish everyone could know. It should be taught in schools, reminding our kids to really go above and beyond for a purpose. That life is a gift you should cherish, not waste. Only if I knew. Only.....
I sit here now, suffering, living through the same moments, the same memories, oh the countless things I could have done different. Always seeing their faces, that smile, that, wicked smile. I can never forget that smile. It mocked me for all I had done, for all I had become. No matter how many times I close my eyes, that smile still stares back at me.
I did escape. Not all of me did. There are no flames or screams that could hurt more than what I am forced to recollect. The only thing I can do is tell my story, the only story I know.
