57: Am I Too Much For You?

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The whole night I had been tossing and turning, I couldn't sleep right, couldn't sleep straight, everything was tossing through my mind and I felt that pinch of guilt seep through my heart.

I lied to him, told him everything was fine, when it wasn't when I was in pain in fear, he wanted to be there for me, but I couldn't risk it.

Nolan had crept out of bed early in the morning and so here I was sitting alone with my horrid thoughts.

I knew he had questions dating back to the start of our relationship to even further. Could he ever trust me again?

My mind was racing around the thought of him never being able to trust me again, to thinking that our whole relationship was a lie. He didn't deserve this, no one did.

Last night was new for him, he had every right to be angry. I hadn't told him what was happening I had left him out of something so big he chose to defend me, without even knowing what happened.

My legs felt cold and numb as I began to stretch my legs to face the thunder that was of downstairs. I stretched my arms and prayed to whomever was above to count my stars.

The atmosphere was chilly as I made my way downstairs heading straight to his office. I opened the door feeling ready, ready to explain everything.

But all I found was no one, his desk was spotless with no note, just a frame that had been placed down facing the desk. The house was empty, no one was there except me and with a shitty note left on the barstool.

'Need some time to clear my head, I'll come back for dinner' the signature wrote in messy cursive and at the end was his signature like he was signing a check.

He needed time, he needed time to process what exactly. I had to find him, I had to call him.

I dialed my phone and waited for the third ring and the voicemail button beeped.

"Nolan, I'm sorry okay, I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm so sorry just please come home so I can explain it all", I said and shut the phone off knowing I needed to find him, he was hurt.

My side limped furiously as I made my way to the bedroom, hugging the sheets that felt cold above me.

My head felt heavy as I slid on my pants and a t-shirt, my eye was still bruised as I stared into the mirror watching myself, critiquing myself wondering if I was good enough. He had every right to leave me, he had every right to be angry.

I dialed the office number hoping to hear Caroline's soothing voice.

"Hello", she said fiercely as I heard the smacking of gum, and her filing something, likely her fingers.

"Hello", she repeated as she kept smacking that horrid sound of gum.

"Oh uh, do you know where No-Mr. Clementé is?", I asked the lady who had the professional skills of a child.

"He's at lunch with a lady downstairs, would you like me to take a message", my heart shook fiercely and I knew I had to find him. I hung up the phone, he was leaving us, me, everything we had together.

I grabbed a set of keys and put on a large coat to hide the scars that reddened my skin. My eye was a new shade of purple and my heart was beating at the speed of space. I went down to the garage and unlocked a car.

I drove off towards his office building, in need of him to help, to explain what was passing and stuck in his mind. After anxiously circling the building 5 times I made my way into the parking garage. I stepped out of the sleek car and I stepped inside of the air conditioned and bright lobby.

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