Too Close

Warning this story is sad, it's based on death, bullying, and wanting to die. So you can read, but you might cry and you might not. This is not based on a true story, Enjoy

Why? Why me? What have I done to them? Nothing I've done nothing. Do they find their pride by hurting me? They scream, I cry. I get hurt, they laugh. All they do is pick on me. They think it's funny, but it's not.

They've called me fat, ugly, worthless, useless, and a lot more. Can't they see that they've caused enough trouble emotionally? But now they've brought it to me physically. I cut now. I only wear long sleeves now. Now I'm anorexic too, every night if I actually eat, right after I go to the bathroom, and make myself puke. I starve myself. I haven't eaten for 4 days, and if I do eat, it's something small.

My dad, he doesn't notice me anymore. He used too, until the accident that took my brother and mother in. I can't talk to anyone, all my dad does is drink. I've told my friends what's happening. But instead of helping me. They turned on me, they spread rumors that I'm not a virgin anymore. That I've slept with all the boys, that I'm a cross dresser.

But the truth is, I'm not only dying on the outside. I'm dying on the inside too. Why can't anyone help me. When family comes over can't they see the blood stains on my floor? Well they can't, cause they're to busy comforting my dad about the loss', well can't they see I need comforting too?

I've wondered how it would be on earth without me. Nobody would notice. Nobody. Not even my own father. I wonder if he even remembers me, or our memories. Like when we went fishing and I caught a salmon, and he only caught one tiny little trout. Or when we went camping and went swimming and when we built a 6 foot tall snowman that we needed a ladder just to put the head on. And what about our family trip to Mexico? Well of course he doesn't remember that. He's probably deleted all memories from his head that include my brother and mom. Can't he see that I'm also lucky to be alive still?

I almost died with my mom and brother, but I was the only survivor in that car... It was winter 2011, my mom, brother, and I were driving back home from the store that night. My mom was driving, Kyle, my brother was in the front passenger seat, and I was on the drivers side in the back. A drunk semi driver came head on into us. The last words I heard before the crash was "Kyle, Kate hold on!" I held onto the handle on the top of the roof, so did Kyle. The next thing I know. I was in the emergency room with my dad on the side of the stretcher. I remember looking around and not seeing my mom or Kyle on a stretcher. I saw my dads face with tears rolling down his cheeks. He said "everything will be ok". I went into the emergency room, as I was going in heard my dad crying and screaming. I went into emergency surgery, for my head. I got a metal plate, and 65 stitches from them pulling glass from the window out of my head. I had a wrap around my head, all of my fingers on my left hand were broken, and a concussion.

2 months later I healed from my concussion. But my hand was still healing. That's when I got the news that my mom had died that night in the other emergency room. My dad came into my room and was crying he said "I knew you would be alright" I asked why I survived. He said "because you fought, you fought for your life. Your mother tried, but she just couldn't any longer, and Kyle, he died immediately in the crash from the impact of the truck."

3 days later I went to cemetery on my mothers grave stone is said "in loving memory of Mary Jane Elizabeth Jones. A nurturing and loving mother From 1972-2011"

On Kyle's, it said "in loving memory of Kyle Jones from 1997-2011, a loving and caring son" when I saw the grave stones I broke down into tears and fell on the ground.

That's when I faced the truth that I would never see my mom or brother again, ever.

I was only 12 when the crash happened. Now I'm 16. Every day I think of that night, and can see my own grave stone, but on mine it says "In loving memory of Kate Jones from 1999-2011 a loving imaginative daughter" and seeing my dad there crying, holding 3 red roses, and him lying one on each of our graves. He would come back every day.

I miss them, a lot. I never go a day without thinking about them. I hear them saying "Stay strong, you can do this, and I'm here for you" but the truth is, none of them are there for me. Only their spirits are. My dad isn't there for me either. I thought my dad could've moved on but he can't. Now I know why.

They've never left, their still here, I think their always by my side, but maybe they aren't I've cut everything out of my life. I left a note...... This is it

"Hi, when u find this note, it will be too late. Dad, I love you, I left a stuffy just for you, my favorite one, the one you got me on my 10th birthday. I just can't cope anymore, I'm done now. I've cried every night since the accident. Things have gotten worse at school, there's more rumors, a lot more. I lied... I'm still getting bullied. I couldn't stand it anymore. Call 911 and tell them to have a body bag ready for when they come in. I just want you to know, I love you. Good-bye dad.

-Kate, I love you"

Then I imagined him reading it, and the freedom I would feel after leaving earth, but when I saw him reading it, he started crying, and screaming why you. He ran up-stairs into my room, and I wasn't there, he went into Kyle's room, and I wasn't there, finally he went to my bathroom, and there I was on the floor. I had an overdose, he touched my arm. It was as cold as snow. He got the phone and called 911, until they got to my house he was in my bedroom holding the Teddy bear he got me when I turned 10. He held it in his arms tight, and whispered "I love you too, Kate"

Then I came back to reality hold the bottle of pills in my hand, setting them back down on the table, and put the note in the garbage. I went down stairs into the living room and saw my dad, I went up to him and told him I loved him. He didn't reply, then he turned to me with watering eyes and said "Never leave me" that's when I looked down to his hands and I saw him holding one of my other suicide notes...

After those days, weeks, hours, the bullying got worse, that's when I had to face the truth. That I was done. I had to much pain inside of me, at lunch that day I went home and went into my garbage can, and took out the suicide note. I taped it on the front door of the house, I grabbed the pill bottle, opened the lid, and swallowed them. I swallowed about 9, then 3 and then I fell down to the ground. I could still hear and see but I couldn't really breathe. I heard the front door open, then the running footsteps coming up the stairs, and my bedroom door open, then another door open, the I saw his shoes and his brief case fall to the ground. I could hear him calling my name, "Kate, Kate, Kate! Don't go, I need you, I love you!" he saw my eyes open then close open then close open close. But this time they didn't open. He ran into his bedroom. He called 911.

He never did understand my pain I went through at school, he saw my wrists full of scars, some were still healing, my dad was going through my stuff, that's when he found my bucket of suicide notes that I never did throw out. Then he found my razors, then the blood on the carpet, then he checked my laptop, I was still on Facebook, I had 18 notifications, he clicked on some of them, that when he saw the names I would be called. He showed the police, they charged them with a fine...

The doctors came to my dad and said "It looks like... She wont make it through, we did all we could" dad snapped, he started yelling "she's all I've got! Do more! Please, I have nothing, nothing left, but her. She's my pride and joy of life. Please just please"

I was in a coma for 6 months, the doctors said my dad stayed there with me the entire time, he would also buy me food, just in case if I woke up. They said that the pills cause my brain to stop functioning, then my heart stopped. They could revive me, but the paramedics insisted that they try one more time... That paramedic saved my life that day, my heart started to beat, but my brain still didn't function completely, so they put me in a coma to see if that would help.

When I finally woke up, I realized what I did, actually happened, my dad was there once again by my side, he said to me "Kate, please, please never do that again, I almost the one thing that mattered most to me. I love you, please never leave."

"I'll never leave you Dad, I promise" I whispered back.

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