What Doesn't Break You (Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Chapter 8

A.J.'s POV:

“A.J. stop squirming, let me just dab it a little more and we can wrap it up” my Aunt said as she tried yet again to put some antiseptic on my knees that evening. “Remind me again how you fell this time?” she eyed me somewhat doubtfully again as she put the towel down and reached for some bandages on the counter next to me.

I sighed “I told you. I was walking to the bus stop, I wasn’t paying attention, and I just stumbled off the curb into the parking lot.” I decided to make it seem like I just had another clumsy moment and fell in order to explain my knees to my Aunt. Knowing me, it was actually quite believable. Plus I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her a classmate pretended to run me down on my first day of classes. She would probably show up to school with the police called tomorrow if she knew that, I thought.

“You really need to watch where you’re going. Imagine if you had been hit by a car.” She didn’t look at me when she said this. Motor vehicle accidents weren’t exactly a topic of voodoo to me. I didn’t take offense that easily. But it still struck a nerve or two, and my Aunt knew I didn’t want to hear it.

“Yeah” I said and I looked down at my hands.

After the accident I didn’t want to go near a car again. I had my driver’s permit before it happened, but I had no desire to even get my license when I turned 16, let alone drive. But after a few months of counsel sessions, my psychiatrist decided I needed to face my fear and actually drive a car.

It wasn’t a terrible experience really. They didn’t drag me to the car, shove me inside and leave me in there alone. There were no excessive crying fits or temper tantrums on my part. I had several weeks of notice, and my psychiatrist had one point he was trying to get across to me.

It was not the car that killed my family. The car was not a demon that took my family away in order to hurt me, or to cause me pain. The car was simply the means by which they lost their lives. An innocent inanimate object that was the not to be blamed for something that was just an accident. Over and over my psychiatrist would say “The car is not the enemy here A.J. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

Eventually I took these words to heart. They were all right. The car didn’t kill my family. I did.

It was not their intent for me to have these thoughts, but the reason I can get behind the wheel of a car now is because I came to the conclusion that it was me and not the car that I should be afraid of. As long as I keep myself in check, I thought. No one would ever need to know what I did. And maybe…just maybe…I won’t hurt anyone else.

…

I had dinner with my Aunt and Uncle that evening, and found myself actually smiling a little when I told them about my day. I told them I had made a friend. Even though I didn’t really do anything when Sydnie just showed up and slammed her tray down beside me. But she did say “see ya later A.J” after classes ended and I’m sure I will see her tomorrow. It felt good to think I would have someone to sit with at lunch tomorrow. She was alright. At least she did most of the talking.

I didn’t have any homework from my first day, so I decide to read a little of Pride and Prejudice before I went to sleep. As I flipped through to the chapter I left off on and started to read, I began thinking about Ashton. I didn’t mention him to my Aunt and Uncle, and I certainly didn’t tell them I let him drive me home.