The Cunning

76

"Any updates?" Janine asked, jumping on her bed. Madison sat at the vanity and lit the joint Jase had allowed them.

"I basically told him I didn't mind being his entertainment," Madison replied. Janine grinned, sitting up quickly.

"What did he say? Because he seemed a lot less tense downstairs. He let you pick up a gun, for fuck's sake. A loaded gun." Madison chewed her lower lip.

"That was only because Sam was prepared to pull his if I tried something stupid. Also, he didn't say much, but it's working... Maybe a little too well." Janine's smile faded.

"What do you mean?" she asked, scooting to the edge of the bed and accepting the joint from Madison, who sighed.

"Like, I don't hate him, but I feel like I should? I've never gone out of my way to get a guy's attention and I've never been aware of any interest in me from other boys. I kind of enjoy Jase being a bit possessive? It makes me feel vulnerable but safe at the same time?" She shook her head. The feminist inside Madison died in an onslaught of self-disgust. "I don't know what to think. Is this Stockholm Syndrome? Because it makes me feel kind of gross and weirdly guilty." Janine giggled, taking no notice of the discomfort Madison was experiencing with the new plan.

"Could be," she replied, "or you have a kink and don't want to admit that you're kind of into it because you don't know how to process all these new feelings and you're worried about what they say about you as a person?"

Madison tried not to falter at how accurate Janine's response was. Her face scrunched up. "A kink?" she replied, joining Janine on the bed.

Janine threw her head back. "Come on. You know what a kink is, surely?"

Madison blushed. "Isn't that like, when people like feet or something?" Janine looked at her with adoration, the way a mother looks at their child when they're being equally naive and innocent. Only in moments like this was Madison reminded that Janine was seven years older than her.

"No, that's a fetish, and there are loads of different fetishes, they're not all to do with feet. A kink is different. Similar, but different. It's something that excites us that isn't usually sexual. A fetish is usually the involvement of something else." Madison nodded slowly. "Either way, it's no biggie. It will make all of this bearable for you and convincing for him because you're not putting it on. Don't look too much into it and what you think it means for you as a woman."

Janine was right, of course, but that wasn't what Madison was concerned about, not really. She was worried about becoming invested. Sure, it was all mind games, deception and ultimately a lie, but now Jase was making her feel foreign things. Things she didn't know how to digest. She didn't want to bond these feelings to him, she still needed to be prepared to kill him, should it come down to the nitty gritty of Jase v Madison.

"I don't know how to feel about myself because of it. It feels like there's something wrong with me," she said meekly.

"Embrace it. Don't drive yourself mad. It's not uncommon," Janine said, handing Madison the joint back as she laid beside her. "I've always been attached to Sam because he's the only person that ever looked out for me. Being attracted to people that protect us is completely normal." That was what Madison was worried about. Janine was so trauma bonded to Sam that she genuinely considered the house her best option. Janine had settled but Madison didn't want to settle, she wanted out.

The higher Madison got, the quieter the conflict in her head became. She watched the smoke roll from her lips, climb to the ceiling in a thick plume before fading to nothing.

"What if I develop an unhealthy fascination about the cruel things he does?" she asked. The fear of what this could turn her into was present, but the weed was keeping it at bay. Madison could see it, feel it if she tried hard enough, yet it couldn't touch her. Was this how Jase felt all the time? Separate from his conscience? Did he use drugs because he enjoyed them or did they just make being him bearable?