Swallowed

 "I wanted something just like this. A false hope that seemed to me, a brighter thing. It shielded my eyes from a dark truth, one of rejection and harm. It was a gate, no, a wall built to hold me back from a road. And down this road there was a place I could stay forever, I named it Death."

"Death seemed to look at me. It swallowed me in, feasted upon me. Nothing seemed to consume me like death did, my want for it, my need. I looked at the wall that kept me from death, and I called it by name. Its name was Life. Life glared and scowled, enveloping death in an unbreakable stone. Still, I could see death escaping slowly. I caught little pieces, and kept them with me. Death smiled."

"Oftentimes I'd come close to the wall and find a little crack, or a notch, and spilling from it would be Death. If I came too close to the wall, the crack would seal. But if I wandered, going into the woods and over the hill tops, Death would follow. I could not have escaped it even if I wanted to."

"One time I walked for hours, as far as I dared from Life's watchful eye, for it seemed to be everywhere. I came to a place full of people. I talked with them for many days. I told them about Life's endless walls and the affection Death gave me. I told them how I wished to return, and find more Death. At first they simply nodded, but when I showed them the handfuls of Death I'd been hiding, they screamed. They tied me to the village gates and left me there."

"Still Death found me, and ate at the chains that held me. It beckoned me to follow. Miles of land passed as we ran, further and further. The villagers chased me till I came to the wall, but would go no further. It wasn't a wall anymore, but heaps of rubble. Death stood on the other side, not a place, but a person. He looked at me with love and sadness. I looked back at the villagers, who stood at the edge of the woods watching."

"Child," Death said. "You mustn't look at them. They'll only ever tell you, that you cannot have what you need. They'll let you go hungry, or parched with thirst into that wilderness. They only wish to destroy you." I couldn't help but recall the many thoughtful conversations with these people, but Death only sighed.

"If you come with me," Death said. "I will always watch for you. I will hold you and feed you. You won't go hungry, you'll not ever need to worry. Look, the wall is down. It may not stay this way. I only want to love you."

"I climbed over the rubble, stumbling towards Death. My hands and feet tore and cut in my rush, but the pain seemed like nothing. No sooner had I crossed the rubble the wall arose again. I turned and hit my fist against it, but it truly stood stronger than before. I swivelled towards Death, but I could not see him. He had once again become the land as before."

"The villagers stood on the other side of the wall, calling my name. I heard it, and screamed my replies, but no one ever answered. I could never go back to the life I'd once had."

~~~~~

On the other side of the wall, the villagers mourned the loss of their friend. One of the wiser, told them they would never stop grieving. Upon questioning, he simply answered, "Pain is abundant, but you can never be rid of it, only pass it along." One villager realized the truth of this. All the pain their friend had carried, it had appeared as Death. They're friend carried it with them, as if it were a trophy. But this same pain was now afflicting everyone else. Suddenly the villagers could see it everywhere, Death holding onto their backs, legs, in their hair even. The others soon saw it too, and they ran from the wall. Before they left, they called the wall by name. Its name was Pain.

~~~~~

"If I'd have been watching, I would have saw, that Death had killed Life. And as Life fell and became the rubble, Pain arose and tormented me. I would have saw, that Pain was building the wall again, and had cut me as I crossed it. I would have seen that what separates me from Death, had always been both Life and Pain. Yet although they made a single wall, one could always be removed. As mortar is scraped off a stone, so could Life be scraped from my Pain."

"I often wondered in my years swallowed by Death, why Pain tormented me so. I watched the wall, for cracks and notches, but nothing seeped through it as it had before. I walked the expanse of Pain, watching. One day a little boy covered in rags approached me. He looked gaunt and pale, and his sparse black hair hung in his eyes with dirt and grease. He followed me for hours, silently treading along my path. Finally I asked him why he followed me all this time."

"Do you not recognize me? Have I not shown you my land, did I not help you cross Pain? Was it not I who killed Life, so that you could have all you ever dreamed of? I offered you truth, and held it with justice in my hands."

"I realized, this boy was Death. I wanted to scream in rage, but something held my tongue."

"If this is Death, I do not want it." I answered

"You yearned for what was not yours, and I gave you it in abundance. You cried in Pain, but Pain can not bother you here."

"Pain offered me Joy! Only now do I realize, you must have killed both Life and Joy."

"How wise of you, but it is not as you speak. Pain killed Joy, for even he could not have endured her torment. You expect so much, but receive so little. I gave you what I had, is that not enough?"

"I cried in Pain. I felt Pain, I've never felt you, Death."

"With these last words, Death seemed to draw away from me. His eyes met mine for a few brief seconds before he fled. The wall shook, and crumbled all around me. A girl stepped out from the dusty air, taking my hand as she approached. No words were spoken, they were not needed. She led me back to the village. It was empty. I wanted to ask her why she waited so long. But she said nothing. She began to walk away, but stopped and smiled at me. Her name was Love."

"I walked for days, but not once did I feel hungry, nor did I have a need for water. One night I awoke, for I had heard a noise. Amongst the trees were rays of light, that danced in the dark to silent music. I walked towards the lights, and they took on forms. They were people. I ran to them, laughing and crying."

"But although I had escaped Death, I could never have Life. I sat, watching these spirits dancing. I had not noticed that Pain had followed me. As I cried, Pain entered me, eating away at all that was left of me. I felt nothing, my soul had gone numb. Years later, someone would come to know that I too, had become another ray of light. Although I had and still have, no knowledge of this. My mind and spirit had been torn, one sits crying,as Life passes in its dance, the other is laughing amongst the light, devoured by Death."