Loving him is so wrong!

Chapter 47

Alana
"Breathe breathe breathe Alana." I heard Levi saying over and over again.
I was laying on the floor and felt like I was dying. I couldn't stop coughing and I can't see straight. I don't know how long it took for me to come to but I know it's been hours because it's night time. I hate Chandler! I hope he rots in hell I can't forgive him. Bullshit I can forgive him but I don't know if I should. I got up off the floor and my legs felt weak but I stumbled and crawled to the bathroom. Levi tried to help me but I waved him off. I didn't want him to touch me and I don't want him here. Once I got in the bathroom I looked in the mirror and no visible bruising. Thank god. I didn't want to explain what the hell happened to me if anyone ask. I'll just say me and Chandler are have differences like any other couple out here.
"Are you okay?" Levi asked
"I'm fine."
"What did he do to you?"
"Nothing. I must have fainted after Chandler came and got the kids."
Levi looked at me like he didn't believe me and I don't care. It's none of his business and I'm tired of him thinking that I need saving. I walked out of the bathroom and went to grab a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess.
"So broken glass everywhere because you fainted?" Levi questioned
"Yes."
"I found you over there and the vase was all the way by the door. Alana what happened?"
"NOTHING! Damn we argued and he fucking left with that old bitch in his car. Who the hell is that?"
Levi shrugged his shoulders and helped me clean the mess up. I grabbed my phone off the floor and called Chandler. Of course voice mail but I tried to call him again.
"The fuck do you want?" Chandler said
"Bring me Avery." I said
"Fuck you." Chandler hung up the phone and I called back again. I can't believe he wants to be mad at me but I was the one on the floor damn near dead. I put the phone back to my ear and listened to it ring.
"You want me to finish the job?" Chandler yelled
"No. I want my child in my house! Bring him home."
"Fuck you Lana im not doing shit. You need to leave me the hell alone I will bring him back to you when I'm ready to do so."
I immediately started crying and sat down on the couch. I wanted for this day to be over with I felt like he should have finished the job. I'm so numb over the situation and what happened. Why must I love someone like this? It's breaking my heart hearing him talk to me like this. I wipe my tears and got up from the couch.
"Chandler please. Please bring me my baby." I begged
"No."
"Why not!"
"Get the fuck off my phone." Chandler said
"Wait no no no! Please FaceTime me I just want to see his face before he goes to sleep since you won't bring him home."
It got quiet on the phone and then I realized he hung up again. I started crying harder into my hands and then my phone went off for a FaceTime call. I quickly picked up the phone and saw Avery smiling into the phone. I wiped my face and looked at Avery and instantly smiled.
"Hey fat man. Mommy misses you I love you!" I said into the phone. I know he can't talk but I have to tell him I love him every night. I hate being away from him.
"Are you done?" Chandler said
"Wait! Chandler stop it please talk to me!"
"I don't have anything to say to you. I'm seriously done Alana. I'll bring Avery home tomorrow and then after that I'll get my shit and live on my own."
Chandler ended the call for a third time and I broke down again. Who even am I anymore? He almost killed me why am I so upset about losing him for! I hate him and I hate everything about him! He's right we can't keep doing this with each other it's dangerous.
"Are you okay?" Levi said scaring me. Shit I forgot that he was here.
"Yes. Can you please go?"
"I don't want to leave you here alone like this."
"Why do you care? All of this happened because of you!" I yelled as I stood up
"How the hell is this all my fault?"
"Why couldn't you just ignore me? Why did you ask me to sleep with you? What are your reasons for making Chandler's life a living hell? Why do you hate Chandler so bad?"
"Woah Alana you could have said no I didn't force you into bed. I asked you if we can film and you was all for it and lastly I don't hate him he's my brother."
"He's not anymore." I said sarcastically
"Well even if the friendship is over we're blood." Levi revealed
I stopped and looked at him like he was crazy. Chandler only has two brothers and I've met both of them. There's Nathan who's like fifty and then there's the youngest Ryan he's in his thirties. So how the hell is Levi related to him? Why hasn't anyone said anything about this?
"My mom slept with his dad obviously the same time he was sleeping with Chandler's mom. Me and Chandler are two months apart. My last name is my mom's maiden name. Levi Elias Danielson."
"Does Chandler know y'all are blood brothers?" I asked
"No. But your dad does and of course his dad knew."
"Of course he does. My dad knows everything about everyone." I said as I threw my hands up in defeat. I mean he could have told me that they were related I definitely wouldn't have crossed that line at all but my dad was sworn to secrecy by Levi. I stopped and looked Levi up and down and I mean really looked at him and I definitely can see it. He must have his mom features with the dark hair and dark eyes but that crooked smile. That same damn crooked ass smile that Chandler does that makes me forgive him in an instant. It was one of the reasons I even looked at Levi. Oh shit why haven't I noticed that he literally has Chandler face just without the beard. The jawline and the nose. If Levi was blond they would be twins. I'm so fucking stupid! Brothers well half brothers but still brothers!
"Wow. This is some news here." I said as I sat back down. I didn't know what else to say about that information I just sat down and thought about how fucked up everyone is. We are all connected and dysfunctional and fucking toxic!
"So you see why I care. Eventually I want to tell him hell I was planning on telling him in Mexico but he shot me. I don't want Chandler in jail over you."
"I don't want to be in a coffin because Chandler finally snapped and took it there." I said
"True that. Now what you gonna do?"
"I don't know. I don't want this to be how we end."
"You still want him?" Levi asked with a raised brow
"Yes."
"You are fucking crazy! He tried to kill you."
"He didn't even touch me! I told you I fainted."I said. I got up and walked into the kitchen and threw the glass away. I looked in my kitchen and realized that I haven't cleaned it yet so I immediately put my hair in a ponytail and started on the dishes.
"Bullshit Alana! I found you passed out. Unresponsive for a good thirty minutes!"
"No. I'm so serious I fainted." I said
"Alana you need to leave him alone. Chandler isn't going to change he has that mentality his dad burned in his head so long ago it's stuck. There's no changing him the next time he will probably seriously kill you."
"No he won't. Chandler won't kill me."
"You keep telling yourself that. How many times have you been laid out on the floor because of him? Who almost lost Avery cause chandler freaked out? Who has scraps and bruises up their legs because they get dragged all over the house? Who just got choked out? You Alana. Keep thinking Chandler won't take it too far one day and seriously hurt you. I love Chandler and I want him out of jail and I know you do too so you need to leave him alone." Levi said
I ignored everything he was saying because I knew that everything he was saying was true. But like I said I'm a fucked up individual I still wanted Chandler. He's mine to fixed and I fucked him up even more . I pushed his limits I made him lash out. I could have not slept with Levi after he told me what happened between them but I still did.
"You can believe what you want but I know what happened I was there. Now do as I said and go!" I said. I pointed towards the door and then watched him as he left and went back to cleaning. Once I saw Levi car pull out the driveway I broke down and cried again. I was doing perfectly fine until Monica told on me and Levi. I want to hurt her I know she still salty over Chandler actually divorcing her but like come on. You couldn't have moved on? Satisfied with how my kitchen looks I decided to take a bubble bath and go to bed since I don't have a baby. After my shower I felt relaxed and my body wasn't sore anymore.
"Hey." Chandler said making me jump. I turned and looked at Chandler. He looks so pissed off at me and I can't see the love anymore just hate. Shit I want to cry again.
"Hi."
"Avery's in his room I know how you can't sleep without him being here so I brought him back."
"Thank you." I said to him.
Chandler nodded his head and turned around and headed for the door. I quickly grabbed on to his arms and just hugged him. Chandler just stood there he didn't hug me back matter of fact he wouldn't touch me at all but i didn't care. I wanted him to know how sorry I was. I pulled myself into him and wrapped my legs around his waist. I refused to let him go I didn't want to let him go! Chandler finally tried to pull me off him but I held on tighter.
"Alana get down."
"No."
"Alana!" Chandler yelled
"I said no! I'm tired of fighting with you! I'm sorry you have to forgive me i have forgiven you multiple times and stood by your side."
"This is unforgivable."
"Bullshit! If I can do it you can do it!" I said
Chandler was grabbing at my hands around his neck and tried to break them free of each other but it wasn't working. My legs wouldn't let go either. Chandler stopped trying to get me off of him and finally gave up. Chandler sat down on my bed and I laid my head on his shoulders. We just sat like that quietly thinking about what's next for us. Is this the end? Have we finally had enough of the fighting? I don't know.
"Alana." Chandler whispered
"Chandler."
"We can't keep doing this. I'm gonna seriously hurt you one day. There's no changing me, the damage is already done. I'm fucked up" Chandler said
"So am I." I said as I looked up at him. I looked up at him and grabbed his face and kissed him. Chandler hesitated after first but eventually he kissed me back. I pulled at his shirt for him to take it off but he shook his head no. Chandler laid me down on the bed and just continued to kiss me. Chandler opened my robe up and kissed my body. He went back up to my face and then kissed my lips.
"Hey gir- oh shit sorry Lana sorry dad" Zara said busting in my room with Mariah on her hip.
"Oh shit." Chandler said as he got up off of me and I closed my robe. I swear Zara never learned how to knock on doors she just walks in.
"So what does this mean for us?" I asked scared for the answer.
"I don't have an answer for that. I literally just tried to kill you and you in here wanting me back. That's not right at all."
"I'm a fucked up individual too Chandler I have my issues and all I know is when you're away from me I hate you and everything you have done to me. I know it's not normal to want to be with someone who treats me this way but I want you!"
"You hear how fucked up that sounds though? I've fucked your brain up and I'm sorry to turn you into this woman. We can't." Chandler said to me
"It wasn't you who fucked me up Chandler. Like I said I've been fucked up way before you."
"Well. I don't know how to handle this I mean we can't keep fucking and thinking that's the end of it. It's like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. Look, how about we take a break from each other. Let's see what happens" Chandler said
"Okay."
I walked out of my room and left him in there. I don't want a break I knew deep down I can fix him but he won't let me. I saw Zara sitting on my couch with pizza,hot wings, and wine waiting for me. I forgot all about her coming over today but I'm glad she's here.
"You and my dad fighting again? I heard a little bickering going on."
"No. Me and your dad just broke up." I said as I popped open the wine.
"Why y'all where fine like last week?"
"He won't let me fix him. He believes he damaged for like."
"Has he hit you recently?" Zara asked as she looked me in the eyes.
"No. Like I said he won't let me help and he's over me thinking I can."
Zara opened the box of pizza and hot wings and we dove in.  We were eating and talking and drinking right as Chandler came up front. He had just showered and saw us looking at him and smiled at us then quickly went to the kitchen.
"Ugh period cramps you got anything to take?" Zara said holding her stomach
"Yeah in my bathroom." I said.
I sat back and grabbed another slice of pizza and my mind started racing. Shit when was my last period? Shit.shit.shit. I quickly grabbed my phone and checked my app to see how far until my period. I had my wine in my hand and saw that it said I was four weeks late. Shit not again!
"Oh no no no no." I said freaking out.
"Lana you good?" Zara asked me Chandler was now in the living room looking at me too.
"Yes. I have to pee excuse me."
I ran into my bathroom and locked the door and grabbed a pregnancy test. It could be stress it could be late. Don't freak out until it's something to freak out about. At least I know this one is a hundred percent Chandler's. I mean there's no way it's Levi's we used a condom and plus we had sex literally three months ago. I grabbed the test and hovered over the toilet and peed. I sat the test down on the vanity and went to wash my hands. Not now lord you have the weirdest timing ever! After I cleaned myself up I looked at the test. And clear as day there's a positive sign. I grabbed the test and started crying. Again Alana you have to keep track of shit like this. Fucking stressing over Chandler not finding out about the Levi situation that I never noticed this.
"Alana you good girl?" Zara asked
I opened the door and pulled her inside. I threw the test at her and she looked at it then looked at me and looked at the test again.
"Wow you and my dad have the worst timing. Congratulations?" Zara said to me.
Well shit I don't know. I mean Avery is eight months by the time I have this one he'll be what a year and a half. Not to mention there's this Chandler thing going on so I guess I'll be doing this alone again. No I won't we won't be together but he'll be there no doubt. I smiled at the thought of another baby being in the house. I looked at Zara and smiled then hugged her.
"Yes it is congratulations this time."
"Oh another sibling for me. I love you Lana. Hello there baby sis or bro" Zara said to my stomach making me laugh.
"How am I gonna tell him?"
"Girl just blurt it out. Come on."
Zara pulled me out of the bathroom and towards Chandler. I saw him eating the wings we left unattended and just stopped in front of him. He looked at both of us and waited for us to say something.
"Are y'all good?" Chandler asked
"Daddy Alana has something she needs to tell you." Zara said excitedly.
"Oh boy what's up?"
"I uh I uh shit okay Chandler I'm pregnant." I blurted out.
Chandler eyes got wide as he dropped the food that was in his hand and just stared at me. He looked me up and down and repeat. I just stood there scared because the last times wasn't exactly great time to tell him these types of things and today definitely wasn't either.
"Well shit!" Chandler said as he sat back on the couch and just started laughing. My life is fucking insane!