Salt Simulator: A Salt AU

Bathroom

Now, I started to walk over to the bathroom. She's...not doing anything bad, is she? She better not she better not she better not she better not she better not she better not she better not she better not

Opening the door, it was dead quiet. Like, too quiet. Like something you can't quite place. Like a dream that you remember, but you just can't. That was the dread filling my bones, I guess. All the stalls were open with nobody in them. Guess Pepper must be in the shower, then. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I finally heard a voice.

"Why did you drag me all the way here? I was just about to talk to-"

"Listen."

OJ and Pepper. What a nice surprise. What were they doing here together? Alone, in fact?

"I might not be tall, or smart, or nice, but-"

"What?"

OJ doesn't seem to be digging whatever Pepper's selling. Which isn't a lot, but it's something. Whatever Pepper's doing, she isn't doing it right. This is why OJ should be mine. Why doesn't he understand why I'm so perfect? So lovely? So much better than his other friends? I have to get closer to see it better. So, being the perfectly normal person that I am, I broke the the way to the vents with the shard of glass I had, and climbed into the vents.

"But, the reason I brought you here was that-"

"Hmmm?"

"...That..."

Making a move on this night of all nights. What a stupid move, Salt, right? Never underestimate the power of timing. She's only been crushing on him for less than a week. I have the upper hand, with more experience. 

You can't kiss a man you just met, right?

Right?

"Oh, what's the bother of talking. Let me just get straight to the point."

Then, Pepper leans into OJ, looking like she's finally going to do something. OJ tries leaning back, but Pepper pushes him into a corner. There's no way out. OJ looks... kind of terrified. Then again, most people would if they were in a situation like this. Pepper leans in further and then-

*smooch* *smooch* *smooch*

OH. NO. SHE. DIDN'T. FIRST, SHE TELLS ME SHE LIKES OJ. THAT'S FINE. THEN, SHE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT TELLING ME AND INVITES OJ. OK. RIDING THE LINE ISN'T A GOOD SIGN. THEN SHE KISSES OJ WITHOUT MY CONSENT. NOT ONE. NOT TWO. BUT THREE FUCKING TIMES?!?!? THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR.

My head began to feel real dizzy, and I kept feeling like I was going to die in the cold vents. The floor felt like it was dropping and I was going to fall to Hell. Where I would be laughed at by Pepper and OJ for eternity. 

But, before I had time to recover, Pepper darted out of the room, leaving OJ looking very confused. Serves her right.

My mind was racing. Pepper destroyed all trust with me, and she would never regain it back now. Pepper deserved to be punished. But how? She could be publicly humiliated, or set on fire, or get hit by a boomerang, or-

"Um, Earth to Salt? Jeez, you're stupid."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Quit yelling, Pepper's in the shower now!"

Katana was in the vents, for some weird reason, reading a fact book and smoking.

"I saw what happened. Um...just a sec-WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HER?"

"Because it would've been distracting!"

"Oh, such a good reason. So, so, meaningful. Did you know: The average person thinks about revenge 11037 times in their lifetime?"

"Wow. Anyways, can you leave me alone? Kind of wondering what to do here..."

"Wow, so rude. Anyways, I'll leave you with a little gift. Besides, I have Desperate Housewives waiting for me at the mafia base."

So, Katana gave me her knife, and a word of advice.

"Water is deadly. So is this."

(POCKET KNIFE: ACQUIRED!)

So, now I'm left with my own mind choice. Remember, whatever I choose will be irreversible and cannot go back in time to rewind it. Unless I have a time machine, which isn't likely.

So, do I:

> kill Pepper (-20%)

> knock Pepper out (-10%)

> go back to the party and then talk to Pepper

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I saw this really bad life hacks for girls list, and I wanted to share some of them before the story gets wild:

"Drink lots of water during your period, it cuts it short." (That's not how it works)

"If you have a paper cut, rub Chapstick on it." (Ouch, sounds painful)

"Brush your eyelashes daily to see them grow long." (how do you brush eyelashes???)

My personal favorite: " If your period is heavy at night, wear 2 pads to make it longer." ( HAHAHAHAHA NO)

"If you suspect a guy of cheating or anything else, immediately leave him. If he was really trustworthy you wouldn't doubt him one bit." (Have you heard anxiety?)

"Use vaseline as a replacement for mascara, it really works!" (Please don't do this, it will really mess up your eyes.)

Please don't do any of these. I'll laugh if you do. "Haha!" goes the Pastatown.