hannigram oneshots

hannigram - little will

the link is a sweet lithuanian folk song which is the one im referencing near the end :D

placed early in season 1

will had woke up feeling the need to regress tugging at him, hard. his alarm rang out and the sound was instantly unbearable, hardly managing to turn it off without tears burning at his eyes. god, he didn't want to be awake. will mustered up the courage to sit up in his bed, his bottom lip already quivering at the idea of dealing with another case today. he couldn't remember the last time he had fully regressed, but with the pressure jack had been putting him under lately he was gradually losing willpower to put it off day by day.

he thought about hannibal, and how he would let will stay in bed as he made breakfast and coffee so that he could leave the house with a full belly. the tenderness and kind concern he showed will at their sessions made will want to melt into the idea of being taken care of by him. after each session lately, before the drive home, will had to force himself to age up again so that he could be a responsible driver. by the time he would get back to wolf trap, he would be too exhausted to let himself explore the safety of his littlespace any further than having his thumb in his mouth as he falls asleep.

today, however, was already especially hard to get through. every little thing made him want to slip, from his dogs being a little too rowdy to having to tie his own shoelaces before heading to work. the drive to the bureau felt significantly longer than it usually was, and as he pulled into his parking spot he wasn't even sure he could go inside without having an absolute meltdown.

taking deep breath after deep breath, he feels himself start to disassociate. 'good', he thinks. 'i can manage a dissociative episode. anything but this.' he gets out of his car, hardly aware of his actions as his brain autopilots through his routine of grabbing his bag, locking the car and walking himself inside.

---

"will. will " jack repeats, snapping his fingers in front of his face. will feels the blur lift from his brain, vaguely realizing that he's in the restroom with his hands under the running water. "are you okay?" jack asks, a pity in his tone that will does not like to hear when trying to ward off his regression. a tone that makes him miss being cared for, being coddled.

"fine" will says briskly, turning the tap off and going to dry his hands as quick as he can manage. he doesn't listen to the beginnings of jacks speech, walking out the door and heading straight to his car. he hears jack call his name from down the hall, but at this point he can't manage a conversation with him. he pushes the doors open and the tears well up even before he plops himself into his car.

when he turns the key, his clock tells him that the time is 2:27pm. he didn't quite lose time, but it went by fast and his memory of the day is fuzzy and full of gaps. he hits the steering wheel, hating himself for losing so much control. he quickly types out a text to jack, apologizing with a weak excuse as to why he left so abruptly, and starts his drive back home at a very illegal speed. when he gets home, he thrashes in his car seat, his frustration boiling over as he yells and sobs until he feels like his throat is numb from it all.

after sitting in the heavy silence of his car, he walks himself inside and closes the door gently. he yanks at his hair, his dogs quietly acknowledging his presence and he sniffs pitifully. he missed his puppies so much. he crouches with his arms wide open, and they all come to him to show him their love with kisses and wiggling bums. will manages a weak little smile before he stands up to make his way to his bed.

---

as the time of his appointment with hannibal approaches, will grows frustrated again. he doesn't think he wants to go to talk with him, as the subject matter of their talks are usually centered around complicated adult topics that he doesn't think he can wrap his head around right now. on the other hand he does want to see him, to hear his voice and feel his care. he wants to see his comforting features and his abnormal teeth that look like home. he wants to be in his office where he knows he is welcome and to feel the warmth of it lull him to calmness.