Never Been Loved

The Start to a New Beginning

Today she begged me to go out with her. I hardly see her, and I am physically and mentally incapable of telling her no. It is all new. "We", are new but its nice to have someone around that enjoys being around me. 

She goes by many names, I think everyone has their own special nickname for her but me. The most popular name she is called is "T". Around school people call her "shorty" or "B" or "Paal" but I think those are all inside jokes with her friends. 

The saying "don't judge a book by it's cover" needs to be used with caution around her because she gives a very petite "God is my life" vibe. However, she hides behind a mask most days and I only know this because I do the same. 

Many days at home I struggle with my mom's boyfriend being drunk and yelling at my also drunk mom. My dad was never really around and I am almost the oldest but I have to take care of the family. I have two older sisters but Bia helps with financials and is almost always at work and my other sister isn't here anymore period. Then I have three younger brothers one from the same dad. Either way it doesn't matter we are all family. 

The short stack I'm going to meet with tonight helps me forget how badly I've been treated and the trouble I've gone through to get here. It all wisps away with the wind the second my mind focuses on her.

On her radiating smile, or her silly duck walk, or the shine in her light blue (sometimes gray) eyes. I love watching her enjoy herself; I can't tell if her confidence is purposely portrayed but it seems to attract everyone around her yet she has no idea. 

 I'm just glad she picked something that I'm actually good at: roller skating/blading. The only skating rink this crappy town has ever known. It has been here for over 30 years and it's become my escape place along with going on random runs. 

I am surprised that she could make it because of how strict her parents are. I don't question it, pushing people to communicate personal things with you is the worst way to go about any relationship. I should know, people have continuously tied to push personal information out of me to "help me", it just pushed me away. 

I got dropped off early, as usual, so I went inside to get a good stop in line because what teenager doesn't go to the rink on a Friday night. I waited with a couple of friends of course they are wild but never ask about my personal life so I don't mind. 

She was late but I didn't mind. I insisted on paying her way in, she didn't like it one bit but I am stubborn enough to continuously say no. 

Her hair was curled in cute ringlets making her hair bounce just a bit when she walks. She had on tight white ripped jeans that were so smooth around her butt I enjoyed that. Plus a very baggy pastel orange hoodie that I thought was adorable.  

We go inside and she gets her skates and I go to help her put them on. 

"What are you doing? I've done this before I'm not helpless."

I smile and step back with my hands in the air as surrender. Knowing in my mind that any normal girl would appreciate it and move on, however that is not what I signed up for. 

She stands up and wobbles and I quickly place my hand on her lower back. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Pshh yeah It has just been awhile. Give me a minute to get used to the skates."

"Alright, let's do a couple laps." I let her go in front of me so that I can match her speed. Then I notice the pattern of her feet. Her left foot remains almost still and straight as the right foot swerves in and out providing speed and turning. I giggle a bit.