When Dante drinks the blood of a woman with AIDS, his health takes a turn for the worse. His immune system should be infallible, but here he is: every day, he wakes up healthy, only to attract another painful and rare disease during the day that is...
And that wraps up my novella with 27,263 words! As I said at the start, this is the longest thing I've written since I was 14 and I'm happy with the result, even though it took me almost ten months to get here. As a final 'chapter', I have some notes and questions for you.
This is a first draft and I realise it is far from perfect. I will probably not come back to it anytime soon, since I have no ambitions with it, but I would still love to hear your feedback!
1. As you might have noticed, I tried to keep the paranormal elements as realistic/pseudoscientific as possible. I did a tonne of research about HIV, our immune system, ageing, blood, ... But I'm not a scientist at all and because of the initial deadlines of the ONC, that research was limited. If you know more than me, feel free to educate me! (Or if you have a perfect solution for how someone who is basically human could bite another human without completely tearing their flesh.)
2. One of the themes of this novella has been HIV. Dante's nature as a vampire has, of course, influenced the representation, so for anyone who wants to know more, I will give you some of my sources. I feel like a lot of us young LGBT+ people are not/less aware of that part of our history, so I find it important to educate people on this topic.
I also want to add that he's an unreliable narrator, so when he falls ill in the beginning, it's really just the symptomatic phase, and no rare diseases. It seems so much worse to him because he hasn't been sick for centuries.
3. This story contains several Bible and literature references, but I am in no way an expert and could naturally only refer to what I know. I feel like it would be logical, though, that Dante knows more than I know and in a second draft, I'd love to add more Bible quotes/references and literary references. If you happen to know some that fit the story, please let me know!
4. And finally, the real feedback! I always welcome critique of all kinds, be it typos, grammar and spelling, style, plotholes, ... To help you, I have some additional questions.
What did you think of Dante as a character? Was he well developed? What about his growth? Were his actions and feelings believable?
What did you think of Emile as a character? Was he well developed? What about his growth? Were his actions and feelings believable?
What about the metaphors? Too explicit? Too obscure? Too many? Just right? What did you think about the general writing style?
Did you ever get bored? Were things ever repetitive?
Was the dialogue realistic? Entertaining? Did it always add to the plot?
How was the pacing? Slow, fast, good? What (transitions) could be smoother? (I have things in mind that should be smoothed out/polished up.)
Did you like the general plot? Were there plotholes you noticed? In a second draft, I would add more about Dante's past (aside from the monastery) and his religious beliefs. Would you like that? Are there things I should have fleshed out more? More explicit or implicit?
Is there anything else you want to add?
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Thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to leave a vote or comment if you liked it since this helps others discover the story because they boost it in the algorithm.
If you want to read more from me, I currently have two short story anthologies up on Wattpad. Light of Heart includes a diversity of LGBTQ+ characters in light and fluffy stories. Discrimen is its darker counterweight and includes more serious themes, like homophobia and transphobia, mental health, problems within the LGBTQ+ community, discrimination in general, ...
I've also written a novel that's currently updating, Swift as a Coursing River. A recently out divorcee must explore his identity and how to not be the straight-acting man he's been his whole life. Just when he has found his footing, a flamboyant trans man jumbles up his ideas about what it means to be gay, to be masculine, to be a man.
If you are looking for a story with older queer characters, this is for you! While there is a romance subplot, I mostly want to write a story about identity and gender expression. And if you're not convinced yet, this quote from a generator is absolutely perfect for my main characters:
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For notifications and announcements about what I'm writing next, follow me BirtheV. I have a middle-grade space adventure and a classical musician romance in the works. You can also connect with me and other amazing authors in my reading corner in the Literary Lounge: https://discord.gg/UD7t7pN (link in the comments -->).
I hope to see you there! Take care and don't forget to smile today!
