the another life we were given

I'm no longer your muse

"I found you."

Akaashi violently woke up, trying to catch his breath as he slowly began to realize it was only a bad dream. But he didn't remember any of it, like every time, only the same three words were on his mind again.

-"You found me" he doesn't even acknowledge that these words had left his lips as he looked at his hands and saw tears, he didn't realize had left his eyes, falling on them "why I am even crying ?" he asked himself not capable to remember his dream. He shakes his head before slapping his face "I have to stop with this nonsense, I'm going crazy."

As he put his Fukurodani volleyball jacket on his shoulders he can't help but think about the tears he had cried earlier, and that he had every morning since he started high school two years ago. Why did every time he wakes up he felt like dying? like he was out of breath, that he had lost everything and had no reason to get up anymore? Why can't he remember his dream? Why the only thing he could remember was only this stupid sentence? did he finally had lost his mind ? or Bokuto-san dejected mode finally had rubbed off on him? Nothing was making sense for him, maybe it was just the stress and the anxiety due to school but he didn't have an answer to all of his questions and he didn't know what to do back then. Only if he knew, if he knew that all he was feeling was real, if only he knew that all of this was his another chance.

-------

-"Bokuto-san!" says Akaashi as he set the ball perfectly in the captain's hands for him to spike. Bokuto hit the ball with all his strength, and it was not a surprise that the opponent block couldn't stop it, he wasn't the ace for nothing huh?

-"Did you see that Akaashi ?! Hey did you see my awesome cut shot right now ?" spoke the captain with stars on his eyes, looking at his best friend with just pure joy written all over his owl face.

-"I did Bokuto-san, it was amazing," he said with no emotion on his face, like always.

-"It was pure luck though," said bokuto, blushing.

Akaashi knew him more than anyone, after all, wasn't he was the only one to know how to deal with the famous Bokuto emo mode? anyway, he knew that right now Bokuto was trying to act all cool but deep down he always doubts himself and that's why he switched so often into his emo-mode, he always needs a form of approval, especially from Akaashi, so the boy does everything he could to be the best setter, it was all for Bokuto's happiness, it always was for Bokuto's happiness. You can think that the way he cares about his best friend isn't healthy or that it isn't like a friendship but more like an obsession or idolization but Akaashi couldn't care less. Bokuto is the only person who's keeping him sane. The vice-captain of Fukurōdani isn't the one to show his emotions or anything, people had a tendency to think that he cared about nothing, not even volleyball and the fact that the young teenager keep things to himself have make everyone clueless about how broken he was. He can't exactly tell if he had always felt like this, but as long as he could remember, Akaashi had always felt empty, lost, and above alone. He always felt like something was missing, like if the half of his heart wasn't there, as if he had lost someone or something, he couldn't exactly tell. But he knows deep down that a piece of him was missing. This feeling usually prevents him to sleep, he didn't really know why but every night when the moon came up and that he realizes it was time to go to bed, a kind of anxiety takes possession of his body and it seems like it's impossible for him to fall asleep. He may be exhausted or even on the point to pass out, he will be unable to sleep. Despite he had always managed to find some sleep after struggling for hours, sometimes he will only sleep for no more than 2 hours because of this. However, the only thing that he was sure about this situation was that the day he had joined the volleyball team in high school and met Bokuto, the feeling of loneliness wasn't as hard as before. It was still here of course, but it was not hurting as much as before. So that's why, as a sort of silence thanks you, Akaashi promised that he will do everything to make his captain happy. "If i can't be happy at least i have to make him be", that's what he kept telling himself for the past two years. Unknow to Bokuto, his best friend was giving himself to him.