The Struggle of Love

The Pain in my Brain

My name is Elena. I'm twenty-years-old and I've been single since 11th grade. I've begun to change since 10th grade. I lose interest in things quickly and I haven't cleaned my room in two months. I forget to eat most of the time. I usually have my friend come over. Her name is Grace. She's so sweet and understanding. This morning she dropped by and cooked me some food. She's the only person I have left here. I haven't spoken to my family since the mid-twelfth grade. They kicked me out all because I wanted to leave the state. She's the one who stayed by my side and I'm so thankful for her. I have a job interview today so she let me borrow some clothes. Styled by her too. Hopefully, I get the job. I desperately need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I got in my car after being fed and dressed. Almost ready to conquer the day. I drove into the parking lot and began to cry. I don't even know why. I just cried and cried for ten minutes. I don't usually wear makeup so I still looked good besides puffy eyes. I dried my face and got out of the car. I knew I could do this. I walked into the building and up to the receptionist. I have a job interview with Mr.Frank DeBlue I said to the receptionist. She checked me in and I went to sit down. I truly forgot why I don't wear skirts. Now I remember. I was in my own little world and nearly didn't hear the receptionist "Ms.Elena, Mr.DeBlue is ready for you." I scurried down the hallway to his office. He was so intimidating. I know this is a higher-end bank but still. I shook his hand as I introduced myself. I went through my bag as I looked for my resume. I handed it over to him. His ice-cold eyes read it over and over. I thought I'd have a panic attack from how scary he was. The room was so quiet until he spoke. His words like a knife in the air. I can't even remember everything that happened. He escorted me out and told me he would call me next week. I meekly nodded and bid him goodbye. I walked off to the car and got in. I had to sit there and try to recall everything that happened. My mind was just blank. I chalked it up to me being forgetful and began to drive off. I arrived at my friend's flat and I saw her on the balcony. It was nice to see her face. She made me feel like everything was going to be alright. I parked along the street and walked up to her door. I knocked twice and tried to smile. She opened her door and the sweet smell of chamomile and lavender hit me. It felt so homey. I loved it. She embraced me as she squealed. I hugged her tightly and smelled her sweet perfume. I inhaled the smell of her vanilla perfume. It wasn't overpowering but just right. It made me feel good. She let me go and invited me inside. Her flat was so bright and full of natural lighting. It was wonderful. I sat in her swinging chair and just breathed. Grace began to make conversation with me. Her voice was so soothing. I don't remember seeing Grace in this way. She made me feel whole. I felt a strange attraction to her. It was just off. Almost romantic. A loud chime shook me out of the admirable hypnotic state. She popped up from her seat and scurried away into the kitchen. The smell of fresh brownies made me actually smile. I got up and walked into the kitchen with her. I began to just ramble to her.

I began to question my sexuality Grace. I think I might like girls too. But I think I like guys. I don't know anymore. I kinda just want to experiment, you know?

Grace is confined to me too. She said she was a lesbian. I was shocked. I didn't know. I couldn't believe I never knew this about her. It made me happy almost, but almost guilty. It felt like this was wrong. Strange almost. Grace suggested I stay the night. She said I could sleep in her bed and borrow some of her clothes. I agreed but I said I would go back to my apartment to get some things. I hugged her goodbye and began to leave the apartment. I sat in the car and began to let my mind wander. I thought about my feelings as I drove to my apartment. She was beautiful and my absolute best friend. She had pretty green eyes and was a brunette. I felt like I was looking into a grassy meadow. It was mind-boggling. I arrived at the apartment and parked the car. I walked up the stairs and into my messy apartment. I grabbed a few snacks and my shoes. I know I need to clean up but I have no motivation. I ran out of the apartment and grabbed my emergency money jar. I began to lock up and jog down the stairs to the car. I started to drive out of there and back to Grace's flat. I arrived and I opened the door to her flat and deeply inhaled the magical scent. I walked in and locked the door. I went into her room and put my stuff in the closet. I changed out of my clothes and into some pajamas. She cut up some brownies and set some on a plate. I ate some and complimented her on her cooking. We cracked some jokes and she put her hand on my thigh. I froze and looked deep in her eyes. It was beautiful. I could see her free soul in them. It was nice to see her. The moment passed and we blushed as we looked away. I felt so embarrassed. Grace giggled and said I looked like a tomato. she only made me blush harder though. She got up and began to clean up and asked me to run to the store for her. She told me what to get for her.

Elena, I need you to get; milk, bread, eggs, butter, whip cream, strawberries, and powdered sugar. Here's 45 dollars okay? You can borrow my SUV to put the groceries in the trunk. Thank you so much.

I took her 45 dollars and took the keys to her car. I walked out to the car and began to drive to the supermarket just down the road. I repeated her list every second. I grabbed everything she needed and went to self-checkout. Nervously, I looked around and started to scan the groceries and bagged them. I hit the finish button and paid in cash and took the change. I speed walked to the car and put the groceries in the back seat. There were only 5 dollars left and I decided to do something nice. I went down to the gas station and bought some of her favorite candy and some flowers. The cashier asked if it was for someone special. I don't know why but I felt my face get hot and my heart felt like it dropped. I felt so strange but I only muttered it was for my best friend. They shrugged and rang it up. They gave me the total and I paid. I walked back to the car and got it. I began to back up and drive to her flat. Slowly I pulled up and parked. There were only a few bags so I grabbed them with the flowers and candy. I hurriedly went up the stairs and shouted for Grace to open the door. She opened and was shocked. She reached for the bags as she saw me struggle. I laughed and asked her if she didn't expect me to grab them all. She giggled and said yes. I walked over to her counter and put the groceries down. I turned around and gave her the flowers with the candy. She turned a rosy red and thanked me for them. Which caused her to give me another tight hug. Not to be dumb but I of course hugged back and let the smell of her perfume wash over me. I let her go as she got a vase to put the flowers in. She put them in the middle of the table as a centerpiece. It looked wonderful. It was soon to be night though. We left to go get some takeout and came home soon after. We settled down and watched a movie together. After the movie ended we went to bed. It was so nice. We cuddled and just relaxed. I felt at ease. I began to drift off to sleep and dream. The next day will prove to be a new challenge but for now, I will sleep.

"Hold those who mean the world to you. You will never know when time will end."

To be continued...