Polaroid | Suna Rintarou

00: Beautiful

As I looked over at her, it suddenly struck me how beautiful she was. Her hair was blowing carelessly in the wind, artfully messy in the sunlight. I had the oddest impulse to touch it, to reach out, to see if it was soft as it looked.

Her lips were curved into a slight smile that seemed to radiate warmth. I wondered what was she thinking of, my heart skipped a beat when I imagined her smiling for me. She was happy and carefree and every part of her being seemed to be a mystery, just waiting to be discovered.

I found it crazy that I'd never noticed before how her eyes gleamed, or how her laughter sounded like a summertime. We've been friends for months, and yet I never really looked at her. I found myself staring, and desperate to learn more.

I unconsciously took her polaroid from her bag that she forced on me to hold for her and snap a photo of her. I don't know why I did that, the only reason that crosses my mind was that I want to keep this memory of her forever. I quickly took the film out of the camera and placed it into my back pocket before she could see what I've done and teased me to death.

"Did you just take a photo of me?" she turned around and looked at me.

"What? You're imagining things." I was at a lost for words. Why did she suddenly make me nervous? We've been friends for months. Friends weren't supposed to make you nervous.

She stares at me still not convince then down at her camera on my hands. "I'm taking a picture of the flowers." I lied, and point at the field of flowers.

"Oh..." she forced a smile hiding her embarrassment.

"Um... You. You have a bug in your hair." I reached out to take it off, but stopped myself. Do friends do that? I suddenly did not know. She shook her head, which made my heart speed up.

"Is it gone now?" She asked so casually, as if everything hadn't suddenly changed.

"Yes." I replied, aware of how my voice sounded, of how throaty it was, of how completely lovely she was. "Yes, it's all good now." She smiled at me. I couldn't dare tell her how beautiful she was. That could ruin everything and I can't lose this friendship.

Maybe this feeling would pass, that maybe tomorrow she would go back to being my best friend, and not a girl that made it hard for me to breath. Maybe, this epiphany was temporary; maybe, I would forget.

As weeks went on, I couldn't forget. Instead, I found myself thinking of her late into the night, hoping there was a chance she might fall to sleep thinking of me. I found myself making lists in my head of what made her laugh, so I could hear it more and more. I found myself unable to look away, even if she was just carelessly playing games on her phone sometimes, especially then.

I could not erase her beauty from my mind. The moment I looked at her from that different perspective, I couldn't go back. After seeing her beautiful, I could never again just look at her indifference.