Your Lie That Night (Iwaoi)

part 8 ~ iwaizumi

On the next sunday morning, i woke up in my usual place. In oikawa's arms. He was still asleep and looking at his calm and gentle face brought my fluttery heart feeling again. I wonder after all this time together, how was i feeling the same excitement. But then this is what they call love.

His messy bangs were all over  his eyes so i reached out my hand to sweep them off. As my fingers touched his forehead, he slowly opened his eyes and stared at me with his sleepy eyes. His arms tightened around me and he spoke in an hoarse voice "im so excited for today!" We had to take a special permission for giving oikawa a leave from hospital for a few hours. He wasn't allowed to but we begged the doctors until they had to give in and give us permission. Of course i thought he would be excited. This is the first time he is going outside in a whole month.

It was spring already and i thought it the best to take him to the cherry blossoms display. To let him feel spring. He was spring to me afterall. The season of hope. I had hope. Hope that there is a possibility of him being with me forever.

"Lets go out now!" I sprang up from the bed that we both shared together. I brought a bag and held it out to tooru~ he wanted me to call him by his first name now ~ "a gift" i said.

He shyily took it from me and held out the new clothes i had bought for him. His face looked  cute then, i couldnt help but take a mental photograph of it.

"Okay now, lets get you ready!" I started to change him into his new clothes. Also yes. You thought right. He can't change clothes anymore. In just a month he lost atleast 22llbs and his body looked nothing like an athlete anymore. He has little energy in him and he doesn't even speak much anymore. "It takes too much of my energy iwaa-chan" he would whine often. So I would do as much as help him in his movements. Carrying him to and from the bathroom and even feeding him. Almost everything.

Indeed it was a sign. But i refused to believe it. My only belief was his recovery. I believe that even after a month , a year , a decade , i will see him walk besides me, calling me iwa-chan with his real beaming smile tattooed on his face forever.

I pushed his wheel hair out of the hospital and the first thing i saw tooru do was look up and as if he was talking with the wind he just closed his eyes and smiled. He's so gorgeous i thought to myself. I dont really compliment him on his face. I dont know why though? Maybe its just a habit of how we used to be before we started to date.

I carried him into the taxi and folded the wheelchair inside the taxi. He held my hand in the car and squeezed it everytime he would spot something he hadnt seen in a while. He looked really happy. And i was happy to see him like that. Time really flies. It felt as if the one hour ride was cut off to 5 minutes but when i checked the time it surely had been an hour. Sucks.

The taxi dropped us infront of the opening gate of the display park and i carried tooru out on his wheelchair. He just looked at his surroundings in awe. We have been here quite a few times before. But it was before any of this happened. This time was different. I didnt rush our walk in the park. I slowly wheeled him around the whole park until he told me to stop near the lake and he asked to let him sit on the grass. I spread our picnic lunch and we sat there just eating and talking occasionally. Our hearts were silently conversating. I could feel that. Just his presence was the most comfortable feeling. I didnt mind us not actually talking.

He leaned into me and put his head onto my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around him and his warmth felt like a blanket. Completely caring and umm..warm? But thats how i feel about him.

After what felt like a forever, he finally spoke. "You know, ive always loved sakura trees(cherry blossom trees)" he was smiling when i looked at him."it reminds me of how even though they just bloomed, their leaf would easily be blown away by the wind and fall down, but somehow they'd manage to bloom again without fail every year."

I hmm-ed to him as he continued,

"i would be happy if i could be refered as that."

I sat there for a while, replaying his words in my head until it hit me. In a blink, tears were rolling down my cheeks. It ripped me up and tore me down. I felt empty, i felt lost. It left a huge gaping hole in my heart that would never, ever heal.

"I will reincarnate. Reincarnate in to the most beautiful sakura tree. And then i would feel the happiest i could ever be. Im the happiest right now too. Being with you makes me happy. Real happy. You made my days fill with the best moments ever. If i die now, i would die as the happiest person ever, because ive felt the greatest happiness now and its because of you. Thank you hajime"

he hugged me as tightly as his fragile arms could allow and i hugged him back as tightly as possible.

We stayed there for a long time and when we got back into the hospital room, both of us collapsed onto the bed and stared each other till sleep welcomed us.