Dear Calum,
I just wanted to know how you were doing. You haven't answered my calls, they always just go to voicemail. I know it's stupid to keep calling you but I want to be able to hear your voice. Everything has changed since you left, nothing is the same. I can't function without you here. You were like a brother to me, but you just left. How could you leave me Calum, why would you do that too me. Michaels been drinking a lot, I tried to get him to stop but he flipped and I haven't seen him since, that was 3 months ago. Ashton's been depressed, he doesn't leave his room, he's become mute my choice. He threw away his drum kit, tore down every single poster in his room. I'm scared he won't last much longer. Not only did I loose you as a brother, I lost all of them. I lost all three of you. I lost 5sos. I don't sing anymore, and I quit playing guitar. It hurt too much knowing I wouldn't be able to show you what I've been working on. It hurt to much knowing I wouldn't be doing it for 5sos. You're family's doing okay, I actually think they're coping better than me, Michael, and Ash. Don't get me wrong they miss you so fucking much.
The fans are convinced this is some sick joke, I want to think that too. But a whole year is too long for this joke.
I thought you got better Calum, I thought that smile was real. Why didn't you come to us when you were sad, we were your family. You could have told us anything. I didn't think the hate got to you this much. I didn't think it was this bad, I will never forgive myself for not noticing you were crushed.
It's been a whole year since you've died, it's been a year since 5sos ended, since I've quit singing, since I was happy.
I'm a mess without you, there is no point in trying, moving, breathing.
I love you Calum, as much as I love Michael and Ash. But I miss you so fucking much Calum, why did you do it. why..
love you always, see you soon.
lukey xx
