Episode 2: Same heart, same mind

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So here is the thing. When I missed him, I tend to "overdo" things. Like suddenly went on datng apps and hit on random guys.. but you know what? My heart only yearns for him..like i was trying to do something dangerous and wish he could stop me..

I ABSOLUTELY hate myself for being like this. Another part of me is stalking his social media, searching if he ever mentioned about our past. When you are in love, you'll know when his words are directed to you. Something like...

"I changed my hair color to this artists (apparently it's my fav artist). And like.. phewww.. drinking the same type of coffee as me.. that one was pure coincidence. he never once uploaded his coffee..but that day both of us made the same coffee accidentally and he uploaded the pic on his social media and me on another social media. Like????

Also he knew his fans from different country can speak his language so he knows some "sounds rude" type of writing mostly from international fans. so like.. one day..

"Who is writing in informal tone to me? Hey don't do that!" - as a notes.. before we kinda "break up," he never once scold anyone for speaking informal - especially for me coz like... obviously i speak informal with him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

I don't know the trigger warning he send like "this time i feel like im getting married in two years" mean. He can mean he has someone right now..or was planning to marry the last person he dated. Which, both situation is probably won't be me. -told ya i hate myself for being a stalker even if it's just social media

Okay and then.. it feels surreal of the night when we can't get some sleep. I was missing him that day and he right away posted something before he went to bed. Like he's been off for days, just when i send him the messages and wish for him to be okay..he posted.. (please minus this paragraph it seems on low context coz his other fans could do the same, and him..being unable to take pressure..posted just because he can't take it anymore).

There is nothing i can wish, but for his eternal happiness. My heart is crying every night coz it yearns for him. I wish only him. I see lots of other potential guy and obviously younger, handsome, and some have nice backgrounds too...BUT HEART IS ONLY HEART. it does what it knows most. to love, and be loyal to one person...even if the person already move on from you.

~to be continued

~Shiteuk

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