Say you'll stay - Channing Tatum

P.40

I put my other earphone in as the crosswalk light turns green and I start walking just as Peter sings the first line in Young Folks. I turn the volume up to drown out the sounds from the city and take in my altered reality as I move down the street.

This mornings work went by quickly. It was a calm and quiet shift with few costumers. I stood behind the counter for most of the time and watched through the window how the pace of the city increased as the time passed. The café down the road is still gaining costumers as we're losing and usually I spend some of the time trying to come up with different ideas that will get us more attention and bring more people to come to us, but this morning I didn't bother.

The cab ride home last night took the last I had. It felt like I floated freely without any sense of where I was or where I was going. I moved unaffected by gravity and breathed as if I was surrounded by vacuum.

All I felt was numbness and it scared me. I'm afraid that I without knowing will find myself to have shut off again. It's a hallow life to live filled with nothing but colorless days.

After I came home and had stared myself blind looking up at the ceiling for hours, my phone made a sound and Channings name lighted up the display.

My bed feels empty without you in it.

I stared at the text for two good hours before I finally fell asleep.

I pull on my hat to make it cover my ears before I put my hands in my pockets again. Just as I pass a man in his food stand my phone rings. I pull it up to see moms name on the display, I answer.

"Hi mom", I say into the phone.

"Hi hun, how are you? Are you at work?" She asks and I realize that I haven't heard her warm voice in over two weeks.

"I left ten minutes ago. I worked the morning shift so I'm done for today. What are you doing?" I wonder and wait for her to answer. A woman and her dog passes me and I have to search through my memories to place her. When I finally got it, I've walked two blocks. She lives in the same building as I do. I saw her with her dog on the fifth or sixth floor that one time I thought it was a good idea to take the stairs up all twenty seven floors, but she quickly closed the door before I as much as reached the top of the stairs.

After mom has explained how she's started her big autumn cleaning she does every year and in what order she does the rooms, my hand holding the phone has become numb from the coldness.

"Are you starting to get the apartment in order? You know I'll come over and help you if you need me to." She says.

"I'm fine thank you." I thank her, grateful for her offer. "It's coming together. I actually ordered that new couch I told you about. It's arriving today." I say and glance at my watch, noting the time and picking up the speed slightly. By the order confirmation from the purchase, it said that the company bringing it would come by at 3 PM.

"Oh, what color did you finally decide on?" I texted her a week ago and asked if I should pick a light beige or an emerald green one. I didn't even have to wait a minute until she had answer me with light beige.

"The green one." I tell her, picturing her face before me.

"Of course you did." She breathes. "What are you doing tonight?"

I kick a pebble in front of me and watch how it bounces out in the road. "I don't really know. I don't have any plans."

"Good. I was wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner? I'd love to come over to your place, but my invite seems to have gotten lost in the mail? " She says with irony clear in her voice and I nod, aware that she can't see me. I told her when I moved in that I needed everything to be done first before I invited her over. Not because she'd think any less of me if she saw that my bed literally consists of a mattress on the floor and how I still miss most of the furniture, but because I liked the idea of having something merely done by myself, without any help from her. I would've left if at any help, but Channing's already done more than enough on that part.