In Love with Impossible

Chapter 3 - Starlit Moments

Memories are such beautiful things. This picture, for example, was taken when I was two. My teeth had started coming out and our house had looked less like the wreck I remembered it as, it was the first house we'd lived in. I remember the grounds crawling with snakes. It was an old manor house, however, the magnificence it once must've had was no longer visible. The smooth concrete walls had breaks in the paint that looked like cracks. The kitchen ceiling was broken, I once saw a purple bellied rattle snake crawl through that crack.

Our trusty kerosene oil can was visible in the picture, it was our only weapon against the snakes. My father hadn't been around much so it was left to my mother to protect me, alone. I can't imagine how difficult it must've been, without my father for assurance. But his constant absence from our very lives made her as strong as she was and the fact that we were most used to him not being there than being there made their separation, eight years later, much easier.

This picture, however, portrayed our small family seated on the steps to our house. Smiling, like we were the most perfect family you would ever come across. I still remember when this was taken. My father had carried me on his shoulders around our land, in the dark of night. The bushes had seemed like they were full of snakes ready to pounce, but I'd felt safe on his shoulders with my mother walking by us, holding my leg protectively, she was almost as tall as him, I remember the fireflies and my voice in baby babble. I remember the cool night air....so refreshing. When we'd finished our walk, my mother had run in to get her camera and made us sit on the steps, she'd set the timer and run to sit by me and in a second that memory became one of the most precious ones to me.

Its funny how one picture can bring about so many emotions. Looking at that picture now, you'd never have dreamed that the smiling faces weren't smiling together anymore. My mother had carried that picture in her purse for a long time, then little by little I'd seen less of it.

She waved off my questions, telling me it was too old and that she had a better one now, but she replaced the one picture with two separate pictures. Of myself and her. The next picture skipped years of time. It showed Meg, Adria, Olivia, Lizzy and I. Standing together, I had my arms around Meg and Adria, making them stagger with my weight. Olivia and Lizzy stood behind me, using their fingers to represent horns on my head. I was spouting a goofy grin....so carefree. I hadn't noticed it before but there, in the background, there were two other figures.

They were eyeing Meg protectively, shyly sipping their Pepsi. Not really mixing with the more jovial crowd around them. This was taken a little before they died. In that horrible accident that still made me shiver. We'd taken Meg in, my mother and I, even though we were barely getting by with the little money we had. I'd had my reasons to take Meg in, she was like a younger sibling to me after all. I'd got my job soon after and after that our lives had become comfortable. I'd sent Meg to college and found her the apartment. Aria and I had done everything we could to get her through those times, sometimes I think that her college was what helped her most, by taking her attention off of her grief.

I crushed the corner of the photo, my hand shaking. Pity for Meg.....guilt....fear....poor kid. Still, photos sure are amazing. The grieving Meg, the cheerful Meg, the old Meg. All of it came back, clear as crystal.

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The piercing sound broke my dreams. I groaned angrily, banging my hand on the snooze button, I tried in vain to fall back asleep. In my bleary vision, I registered a red circle around the date. I groaned even louder. Part of me wanted to call and cancel....go back to sleep. The other part nagged me awake, reminding me the effort I'd taken in planning and the excitement. Inevitably, the latter part won. Dragging myself out of bed, I made it into the bathroom. I stared, groggy eyed, at my reflection. Tousled black bed hair, eyes that weren't red but were slightly larger than normal. Skin that seemed a little oily. And press marks on my cheeks from where I'd pressed my cheeks as I slept.