My Little Ideas

Lies

When you said those words to him,
You drove a knife into me.

As you spoke,
You began to twist it slowly,
Refusing to stop.

The words cut me open,
Every sentence a slice,
A strike,
A wound,
A scar unable to heal.

When you stopped,
You fell silent,
As did I.

I stared at your wall,
You knew all along,
That we weren't meant to be.

Anger flared up in my chest,
Trying to hide the pain.

But,
When you spoke my name,
I could barely keep it contained.

Everything you ever said to me,
A lie to keep me happy,
A lie to keep me okay.

I can barely get the words out,
The ones that need to be said,
Hang in the air,
With a weight almost unbearable.

I say I don't know what to say,
I tell you what you already know.

You call yourself a coward,
Say that you knew,
We could never be friends,
Because it would never work.

You tell me that he saved you,
He's what's kept you here all along.

You show me your new scars,
Small x's everywhere on your arms.

My eyes widen in despair.

You spit poison,
Tell me off,
That's when I lose it,
As you hug me and tell me your too far gone.

A sob wells up in my chest,
When I realize that this is the end.

You caress my face,
Tell me it's okay,
Wipe my tears away.

But they keep on flowing,
A blood all their own,
Streaming down my face,
Showing the pain I wanted to hide,
And so failed to do.

From then on we are silent,
We both know it's the end.

You play a song that I'll always relate to you,
You sing softly to it,
And pack some bags.

I'm still crying,
This is the end.

You hug me occasionally,
You're lucky I even let you get close.

By the time my bags are packed,
With your added things,
I am numb.

I am gone.

You shower while I softly sing my pain out to songs I've heard before.

You hug me a few times more,
We barely speak,
Words mean no more.

When the time comes,
I say goodbye,
I hug you and start to cry.

Pushing it back,
I wish you the best,
Tell you I hope it was worth this.

We are stuffed into a car,
The drive is long,
Every smile,
Every laugh,
A lie,
A way to hide the pain,
From the clueless ones.

I can almost bear it no more,
You must step into my door,
To retrieve a memory of yourself,
A pillow from my room.

Before you leave,
Once again,
I say goodbye,
I hold you close,
And when you leave,
I'm a mess.

I'll never be the same again.

You had made me promise not to cut,
Not to trust so easily.
So I did,
The last thing I would ever do for you.

I pour out my pain to loved ones dear,
Listen to my music,
After they lend their ears.

I'm sobbing as I stare at what you've given me to take from you,
It feels like you're still there.

I know it won't be easy,
To let you go,
But I have no choice.

I strengthen from this,
Though the wounds still bleed,
Stitch themselves up blindly,
Only to open once again.

I will never forget you,
Or the things I said to you,
To try to keep you going.

I hope your choices were worth it,
I hope you come back,
I hope you don't.

Have a great life my friend,
And know that in the end,
I wish you all the best.