I was told that this is my life and that I am the protagonist of it. But I realised that it's nothing but a big fat lie. I am not a good girl , I have wrong thoughts and differing opinions from my parents.
My parents will ask me what's wrong why do you look sad , I answer that I don't feel very happy and they look at me like I killed someone. They would scold me saying that they did this and that for me to be happy and I am sulking around, so bottomline I am not allowed to be sad.
My parents will take out their anger on me . They would scold me for some minor mistake and make it seem like a crime because someone at work got the best of them. And I am not the one saying all this, they themselves justify their behaviour in this manner. So they are allowed to take someone else's anger on me but I am not allowed to be sad because they are doing things to make me happy.
They praise my younger brother for the littlest things but not me , you know why, because it's expected of me to be able to do this. So they have expectations of me but won't praise me when I stand up to them. But even then I am not allowed to cry or sulk because they do things to make me happy.
They would assume things about me , and instead of asking me what actually happened they would completely trust their assumptions and open fire at me with scolding, and I have to listen and not talk back because they do things to make me happy.
My parents and everyone else in the world is allowed to feel all sorts of emotions but not me because my parents do things to make me happy. Things that I never asked them to do for me , things that really don't make me happy. I am not a shallow person things don't make me happy. All I really ask for is them to give me hug without asking me what's wrong whenever I am feeling low. All I want is for them to be there for me. And when they scold me for being sad my heart breaks knowing that these are the people I thought would be there for me unconditionally, but I realised that opening up about your emotions even to your parents is only going to come back and bite you in the ass. No matter who , people will only use your weakness against you.
